i'm not ready...

 

 

 

i couldn't help but snap this pic real quick the other day as me and the kiddos (yes, all four of them) invaded Bass Pro for the afternoon. these are some of the things we do on spring break, it's a good time :)

 

curious why i would love a picture of the back of my children's heads? as i stood behind them--they were too busy talking to the alligators to notice what mama was doing--it occurred to me that i won't get too many more of these moments.  these everyday, normal moments where all four of my babes are willing to go spend a valuable spring break afternoon with boring ol' mom. these moments where they are all getting along, not taunting each other, bossing one another, there was no crying or whining...this moment, brief as it was, is so precious.

 

i realized as i stood looking at these absolutely adorable creations, that in just a short year and a half one of my precious loves will be an adult, an eighteen year old man, headed off to college--whether near or far matters very little, just fyi--and my heart sank right there in Bass Pro. i'm not ready.

 

i'm not the least bit ready for P to live somewhere else. i'm not ready for him to be fully in-charge of his schedule. i'm not ready for him to be outside of my protective realm. i'm not ready.

 

what if he lives far away and gets sick? what if he hungry but is out of money? what if he doesn't wake up when his alarm goes off and misses classes or work or ball practice?!! what if, what if, what it???!!!!

 

how will Girlie or K or Lil'K2 react to not having Buba around everyday? he is all that K wants to be and without P here, will that just break his heart?

 

i began in this moment to question our parenting and if we'd done a good enough job to prepare this man-child for the real world? is God's Grace deep enough to cover all my failings & short-comings?

 

and while my broken heart began to well-up in the corners of my eyes, the fantastic four started walking on towards the fishes & boats, i blinked away the worries, determined to enjoy the now, the present.

 

but i know that his childhood is coming to a close, can't get away from it. i miss his lil' boy voice telling me he loves me to the moon & back and how he would crawl into my lap for snuggles after school and gnome-kisses at bedtime. it does make me sad in so many ways that all too soon he won't plop down on the couch and watch Duke basketball with me or be the first to tell me how good dinner was or make me laugh out loud with his jokes and antics in the afternoon.

 

but God's Grace is deep enough and His Love is relentless and He will give this mama the peace & wisdom to maneuver the next year and a half of my P's life. God is more than able to fill in all the crack and holes of our parenting and give His Favor where i assuredly lacked.

 

for the very best days with my son--with all my babes--is yet to be!!! Lord, please go before me, grant me strength, wisdom, kindness to love BIG <3 font="">

to my sister-bestie :)

 

to my bestest friend & sister:

 

 

happy birthday My Sarah!! you would have been 37 today, I've always enjoyed rubbing it in that you're older than me, even if it's only by a few weeks :) if you were here we would most likely be meeting at The Greasy Spoon in Monett for breakfast, a few hours of talking face-to-face and a piece of pie before we part ways (because by that time it's lunch!!), we'd hug long, get in our vehicles to drive our separate ways but not get very far before one of us would call the other to chat more on the hour drive home....

 

 

i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a bit sad this morning. i don't miss you less with each passing day or birthday but if it's possible i miss you more...so many things i long to tell you, talk about how our kids are growing, endlessly quote Friends to each other in text throughout the day, tell you about my disappointments & struggles and hear your encouraging words and some tough love too :)

 

i miss picking up the phone to hear your voice & you asking me to be your "moral compass" and tell you what to do, telling me a funny Mason story or talking about our dreams & hopes for the future...

 

 

 

but i do NOT lose heart and dwell in my sadness of your physical presence because i carry you Sunshine in my soul, endless notes & letters & cards written from the well-spring of your heart to mine, i see you when i look at Mason's school pictures (which are all over my house, because he will forever belong to me and is just like my own child, just as my kiddos were to you!), when i talk to your Mama and hug sister Becky....you are in those places and God uses those to comfort me.

 

 

 

 

so happiest of birthdays my forever sister-bestie....and i know this truth: that the very best is YET to come!!

 

love, me :)

who is flooded by grace marketing?

flooded by grace marketing: the who/what/how/why of my biz ;)

If I haven't said "thanks a bunch" to you before then hear me now, that I'm so blessed that you are a fan of our FB page!!! And that you would swing the blog...seriously, i think you rock!

flooded by grace marketing was the Lord's idea not mine, but so glad He planned for it! I, Heather or aka BlessedChic, am CEO/owner and have worked in marketing & advertising for almost 15 years--Wowza!!--in the SW Missouri market. And through it all my heart has been to be the very best (yes, I'm a Type A through & through) at serving my clients. I love partnering my marketing expertise with an owner's insight & goals, their expertise in their industry and make dreams come true!! It's hard but also a new adventure every single day!!

We--me & a few exceptional colleagues that partner with me--design THE most effective strategies and inspiring creative with innovative content & launch it on multiple media platforms! I want my clients to be the best of the best, so we develop ways to help them reach the most customers & achieve their dreams and goals within their budget, that's essential!! It's what we do and as a bonus, it's fun ;)

Why? Business owners and/or their marketing managers have handfuls of reps from media outlets calling, emailing, stopping by every day. If we can take the burden of meeting with multiple media reps (up to 70+ per month contact them) and gather all the market information, perform market analysis & industry research for their specific company, assist them in creating a budget so they never have to guess how much to spend or what they've spent and write persuasive & engaging content and place everything for them--take a breath!--then the business owner gets to do what they LOVE, run their company, not worry about their advertising but about serving the customers that need them!! It is such a win-win-win and so blessed to do this for our clients every day :)  Was that more info than you were looking for?! Lol!

How did I ever come up with the title 'flooded by grace'? I love Jesus and wouldn't be anything if it weren't for His amazing Grace & love!! My life--personal & business--is flooded by His Graces and having my business name reflect my praise and devotion to the Lord just makes me smile and opens the door to show & tell the others the love of Christ :)

So there you have it, a nut-shell description of flooded by grace marketing!! 

blessings...
Heather

i love you most...

Eighteen years ago, two best friends--a young man and woman--went to their favorite park. They sat by the small lake on the foot bridge with their legs dangling over the side talking. They jokingly brought up the topic of marriage, and that handsome young man suggested that when they were 30, if they're not married then they should marry each other. Perfect plan, right?!  

I'll leave out the part where the young woman took offense to this insane idea and asked "Why wouldn't I be married by the time I'm 30?!!" :)

However ignorant the initial idea was, those two weren't quite ready to admit they were more than just close friends, but completely head over heels for one another....and within just a few months began these two began dating, they stumbled and tripped along the way (it wasn't perfect), a bit later had a beautiful baby boy, still stumbled a bit more on their way but within a couple years were engaged, then married....and well, this story is still one in the making....

...because this is my love story, imperfect and flawed, but magnificently wonderful! 

Today we celebrate the day we became one, that I married that super handsome young man! I could never have imagined something this amazing but God is overflowing with grace and wisdom and has given me the most incredible husband...he's not perfect, but My Man is so perfect for me! 

He overwhelms me with his patience and friendship...how totally unconditionally he leads me and our kids...he's strong in the Lord and I am fully aware that many days I'm completely sustained by the prayers he takes before the Lord on my behalf...he's made me a mama five times and I'm beyond words thankful and humbled to have this title of "mom"...he pushes me to reach for dreams I didn't even know I had...

I know that while the past has been AWESOME--of course, not without heartbreaks and disappointments and loss because well, this Earth is NOT our home--I know that the best is absolutely yet to come!!! 

I've spent exactly half my life with you, my LOVE and I will continue to spend every day we have together being over-the-top in love with until my very last breath....

I love you most....

proclaim it!!

it's been a year and a half since i wrote anything publicly...i could list a hundred excuses why, mostly busyness.....no, that's not entirely true, for a period of time i didn't feel like i had any "good" news to share, it was a survival mode of getting through each day, wash, rinse,repeat, repeat.

however, that is can be no longer, God keeps giving me a Word to build me, encourage me, wisdom beyond my understanding and He has told me "Proclaim It! Proclaim It!" and i have not. maybe i have in conversations with those close to me but there is something bigger. i'm not looking to reach the masses but i am going to come back here (where there was once masses) and begin again. if nothing else this is just another journal (because the stack of 100's of paper journals isn't enough!) i have to document of my walk with Christ and my walk through this earthly life with my family and friends....you with me? :)

so let me jump right in and give you (and me) something to think about on this cold, icy Friday when we are just a couple handfuls away from celebrating Jesus' birthday....

are you a big gifter? you love piling up the gifts under the tree? i'm not judging, you don't have to answer out loud :) i love shopping and i brave the black thanksgiving/friday crowds for great, limited edition deals. we give our four kiddos each three..yes, just three....Christmas boxes to unwrap that special morning. now are there sometimes more than one item in each, maybe two or three, but we are striving for something bigger here. Jesus got three gifts on the day of His awesome birth and we want to emulate that, but we also don't want the kids obsessed with getting 20 gifts under the tree...i clean their rooms, believe me, they have enough stuff!! i want their sense of getting to be shadowed by their inner desire to give...give of themselves, their time, their resource, their talents and especially their money. we have been so blessed by the provision from the Lord to give much to others in need this season, but it should just start here, in December, with all of us and spread to each month, looking for ways to be the hands and feet of Jesus...there is certainly a depraved indifference in our souls unless we're praying to see with Jesus' eyes and have our hearts broken over the things that break the heart of God.

i posted this video about three years ago on my blog and it still moves my heart as i watch it today, stirring my soul to give even more!! put feet to my words and write another check, write another letter of encouragement, give more of my time...

ALL TO MAKE JESUS' NAME FAMOUS AND BRING OTHERS TO A KNOWLEDGE THAT GOD LOVES YOU!! HE'S CRAZY ABOUT YOU! HE WANTS TO WORK IN YOU AND THROUGH YOU, TRANSFORM YOUR HEART AND SOUL, BRING JOY UNSPEAKABLE!!! 

can you feel my urgency?!!!? we sponsor some children in haiti and i think of them when i watch this and pray that their hearts will be surrendered to Jesus because of our sacrifice....but we can do more...we WILL do more to reach more!

so what will you give? what will you do? will you pray with me that God will move us beyond ourselves for His children, for His Glory?

much love and blessings to you today....i WILL be back tomorrow to write what God gives me, Lord willing :)

our life in pictures....

while our view most recently has been from the seventh floor of a hospital, i'd like you to view some beautiful kids...

my sweet friend abbey took these next 5 pictures during a shoot a couple months back...she's brillant and will snap memories of your family like no other!!

...they've got to be the MOST stunning four people i know (not including my Man..)

precious, precious baby boy...a miracle



gorgeous, isn't he?! strong and joyful

fearlessly handsome, inside and out

her beauty is beyond compare and yet nothing compared to her heart...

i love how much they love each other, aside from the teasing and bickering, hitting and crying, it's a deep commitment to each other...

enjoying his playpen while hanging out with big bro 'P' at hospital, his smile will melt your soul

smiles through tears for my Girlie and the two most amazingly wonderful & splendid teachers from the last two years...

powerade never tasted so good after 11 days without drinking...'P' has endurance and courage like no other

it's a bit blurry but not for 'K' anymore with his new specs...love that spirit...so blessed he's mine

our life is busy and blessed and i don't want it any other way...

day 13....

if there is one thing i have learned about being in the hospital with a sick kiddo, it's that circumstances and diagnosis can change quickly. i can be ready to lose it one moment and a tired, weepy mess the next.

thanks be to God that 'P' has been fever-free for 48 hours without tylenol/motrin! yay! yay! yay! so awesome, don't ya think?!

we decided against the procedure to drain the other very small abscess yesterday. there is a portion of his colon in the way and the potential risk of damage to the intestine was too much for my liking...so to ensure the elimination of that infection it tacks on two more weeks of i.v. antibiotics...

the drainage from his j.p. drain is still too murky and goopy (these are of course the technical terms!) for my liking, however it is producing very little "goop" but this will stay in another week to appease this mama and make sure everything gets outta there!

there is the exciting possibility that 'P' gets discharged tomorrow night (squeal!!), so my training begins in the morning how to care for his pic line and how to administer his i.v. meds at home.  pray that he gets discharged soon, but not before everything looks just as the Lord wants it to.

to be honest with you, i'm a bit nervous to get sent home...this has all gone so badly that it's just nerve-wracking 'cause i don't want it to happen again, which i know is very unlikely...i know it doesn't make sense, it's all been a smidge overwhelming at one moment or another

if you have been praying for my boy's healing, i am so grateful, thankful, indebted to you...that you spent time before the Lord asking for graces on his behalf is glorious and again beyond words for me to express my thanksgiving.

God has never left 'P' or our family, He was never surprised by this sickness, the Lord pours out His blessings in ways that not our choosing...however it is just what we need to learn more of His love, strength, goodness

i look forward to see how He will use this experience, this sickness, in 'P's life and our family's, my marriage. i know more of Him that i did 3 weeks ago and i can still loudly proclaim that the Lord is Good and does Good! i believe and know that God is working in our lives no matter what it looks like or feels like...

for our best days are NOT our yesterdays, it's now, it's tomorrow, it's all for Him!!

stay tuned....

day 12 of our hospital adventure...

so i haven't blogged in forever, i want to but i can't find the time to shower some days much less write tids bits of thoughts....however with my boy, 'P', in the hospital and more people wanting updates i thought i'd take a few minutes this morning to let you know where we are at as of today:

i am close to completely loosing my mind with 'P's surgeon/doctor. i am an intelligent mama of 4 and i'm sick of my concerns or input not being taken seriously...i practically have to demand things like an out-of-control dictator to get something done, and thankfully it usually turns out (so far) that my hunches produce positive results for my 'P'. i'm grateful to God for the wisdom and discernment He is pouring out on me, i need all the leading i can get.

'P' is still struggling with a spiking fever even after being in the hospital on i.v. antibiotics for 12 days, his j.p. drain (this was put in during the last surgery on the 19th to drain the large abscess that formed after his appendectomy) is still draining pus-y looking fluid not clear but it is draining much, much less. he is on TPN since they won't let him eat anything but jello. so during rounds yesterday morning i laid it all out for 'P's surgeon and he ordered another CT scan to see if for some reason another abscess had formed causing this fever to remain.

thanks be to God there isn't another abscess forming anywhere but there is some free fluid around his colon on both sides that is most likely infected and therefore not helping his situation. 'P' will most likely have that drained today in a much less severe procedure but need His grace and provision during this.

i have also sought out second opinions on the current protocol from our awesome pediatrician, who is also suggesting another culture of the drainage from the current j.p. drain as well as culturing the fluid they get from his abdomen today.

i am a crunchy-granola-natropathic mama, so i've been doing what i can to help his body heal itself and that has definitely gotten his digestive system & colon up and working again, so that makes me a happy

this supposedly simple procedure, an appendectomy, has gone seemingly wrong at every single turn. it's scary at moments, frustrating, tiring, confusing, a stretching of our endurance and faith...growing is uncomfortable and painful so we press in, trusting that as we seek God, He is faithful to guide us and flow favor upon us. it's not easy though....

'P' is amazingly strong and courageous beyond all my expectations. he isn't on any pain meds and we spend most days playing PS3, cards, watching movies, taking walks around the hospital and playing with Baby Ky, who is usually up here during the days. he does have moments of brokenness, he wonders why this sickness, pain is endless. he wants to play ball, swim, sleep in, hang with the guys...but i remind him, just as he reminds me by this display of bravery, that God doesn't waste any minutes of our lives when we are devoted to His will and while 'P' can't see how Jesus will use this, all these long minutes WILL be used for God's ultimate Glory and mold us ever more into Children of the Most High King.

pray, believe with us for this infection to be destroyed, gone, never to return!! but the strength and perseverance to remain...

i'll fill you all in more as it happens!

....the best IS yet to come

flooded by grace designs!!

it's been busy around here to say the least with Christmas and new year's, vacation, 'P's basketball games, Girlie's choir concerts, and i had SO many orders to fill in december from my design shop!! and that's my focus today: Flooded By Grace Designs!!

it's my heart's desire to sit (or stand) and create hand-stamped jewelry, fabulous and one-of-a-kind wreaths, jewelry portraits to display your bobbles as a piece of art with the bonus of having it organized....i love organization so much!!

have you secretly when been yearning for a necklace with your kiddos names on it?




a pendant inscribed with your favorite verse?



beautifully stained pendants personalized with initials and accented with beads and pearls?





don't you agree this would make a spectacular gift for a daughter, bestie, mama, mother-in-law or nanny this Valentine's Day?!! me too!!!



well i'll sweetn' the deal...are you ready?

just click twitter.com/FbGDesigns to follow my shop and get the inside scoop onall the new items that will be coming out in the next month and/or LIKE me on facebook and you'll get a coupon code to use at Flooded By Grace Designs for 15% off your Valentine's Day purchase!!

exciting, i know!

and remember if you live in the 417 area you can check out all my items in my store and then simply message me through my store or at floodedbygrace@gmail.com to order and save yourself the shipping charges!!

be blessed today...and remember His gift of Grace is yours, live in His freedom and His Mercies are new everyday!

some new year's thoughts

i so rarely write here anymore, simple laziness i suppose. i write every day, i love opening a journal and pulling out an ocean blue pen to script my day's list and thoughts and needs, hopes and dreams spill across a crisp page in which i have glued torn magazine pictures of my favorite flowers or shoes. typing even simply family updates feels sterile to me, always has but i swore to push through it and that the discipline would somehow change the very fabric of my being....i'm a pen and paper girl. if you could only peek into my bedroom and see the tower of scribbled journals teetering next to my nightstand, it would confirm this confession....


however, it's difficult to put those worn pages onto the screen and i really have the desire to share, to live in community with friends near and far, with those i might never meet...create another form of keepsake memories for my kids, for myself.

so in the grand tradition of setting new goals for a fresh new year, i'm promisimg to put my handwriting to the keyboard, even just for a moment a couple times a week. this form of electronic scrapbooking, it's stretching myself to reveal my heart, my mundane tasks, it's a form of ministry for myself, my family, hopefully encouragement for others or at the very least provides a smile.

~~~~~~~~~~

so as we are all venturing out into 2012, looking ahead to what is to be, are you filled with joyful anticipation or hesitancy? trusting that the best is yet to come or longing for what was?

what is it that God whats to do in you in 2012?

i know for me this year will be life-changing! isn't that what walking alongside Christ is supposed to be anyway? just like paul writes in Romans 8, "This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" it's living with expectation of God's goodness, trusting that if He sacrificed nothing to bring us into communion with Him by sending Christ for us, that He is able to be all that we need in 2012!

i know that He is drawing me in closer to Him, whispering love over me and asking for my hand as i travel down new paths. when i ask for the provision of physical and emotional strength to birth and raise another babe, He is there just waiting to provide. i look at this family He has entrusted to me, i tend to get a bit weak in the knees, overwhelmed with all that needs tended to, all this raising of teens and tweens and preschoolers and newborns, husbands that needs encouragement and love, time and caring too. He is there and He never told me i'd have to do it all and that His Grace is more than enough (Phillipians)

my words for the year are Mercy and Grace....that i remember that His mercies are new each day, that the Lord extends His mercy over my faults consistently, that by His grace i am made whole, that His grace is everywhere should i choose to see it....all is Grace, gifts, thanksgiving...Mercy abundant and unconditional for His children

share your word for the year, your goals and dreams, for He is able to 'do more than we could ever imagine or guess or request in our wildest dreams' (Ephesians 3), so let us not hold back and dream a big dream for God's Glory!

cruisin' into the fall...

so we've made it to the end of the first trimester....yay!!! the consistent nausea is not as consistent and the getting up 5 times a night to go to the bathroom is down to about one time, so i'll take this much desired relief and cruise into the second trimester. i got to hear my babe's heartbeat yesterday! i love love that sound!! so precious...it's hard to believe that 14 weeks have already gone by

i don't have a ultrasound pic of my own for 13-14 weeks (wouldn't it be so amazing to have one every couple weeks to see the baby?!) but i found this one and while i'm completely sure my lil' gummi bear is more beautiful, this will do :)

the big kiddos are back in school, just starting week 4, and 'K' is happily soaking up all the one-on-one attention. i really wasn't quite ready for them to go back just yet, but i was ready to stop hearing the hum of the PlayStation3 and disney channel and arguments about who double bounced who on the trampoline...on purpose.

cute picture of my posse of the kiddos at my brother-in-law's wedding a few months ago...just thought i'd share how awesome they looked :)

i started a new business from home (in addition to all the crafting stuff i already do, like this super cute purse/bag i made)

and i'm really loving it....but i'll do a separate post about that soon, okay?

hhhmmmmmm.....what else can i say is happening? i've been laying back and resting in the presence of God and His Grace, seeking to trust Him with all the changes that are happening and forthcoming. really been working on accepting His gift of unconditional love in a way i know i never have in my 20+ years of salvation. let's just say that it's liberating to truly serve and believe on Christ knowing & reminding myself that His love & blessing for me has nothing to do with me and what i give Him but is a demonstation of His blinding awesomeness!!! His faithfulness!!! that's pretty amazing and noteworthy don't ya think?!

my prayer for you this week (and month for that matter)is that you would slow down, close your eyes and take note of the graces, gifts, blessings that surround you, give thanks to Him who is the Giver and snuggle in a bit closer to the One who loves you more than we can ever comprehend.

be blessed....

He is so good to me...

its officially been a lifetime since i last wrote anything on this poor blog.....

however one thing has NOT changed: i am still and forever more will be a very Blessed Mama!!!

when i last left you we were celebrating the new little life growing inside me! babe #4 is such a part of this mama's heart and soul and a faith-renewing miracle!! and i can whole-hearted yell and proclaim that from the mountain tops....

...even though our sweet babe is now a beautiful angel basking in the Glorious presence of our Lord.

losing a child, be it during pregnancy or stillbirth or as an infant, is horrific to put it nicely. it didn't help us when the head physican in the ultrasound department said that as many as 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. i realize he was trying to help, give me sterile soliace that this wasn't my fault and it happens all the time. didn't really sit well with me, this losing my baby doesn't happen to me "all the time."

but my God is so good!!! MY GOD IS SO GOOD!!!

i kept repeating that, hypnotizing myself really, for the next few painful days. i knew it was true, God is faithful and awesome and so, so good, and i was not going to let myself blame Him or lose sight of His heart for me.

He knew what the doctor would see on the ultrasound, no surprise to Him no matter how much this surprised me.

i will hold my precious, God-crafted and designed Baby Angel someday in heaven....it will be breath-taking!!

that was the middle of may....

fast forward to today, tuesday the 9th of august 2011

this is our gorgeous baby #5...little gummi bear (this is my nickname for all our wee little babes) is 9 weeks old, perfectly squishy and healthy, developing splendidly and due to greet us in march of 2011

my God is so big, so strong and so mighty...there's nothing my God can not do!!!

he takes my breath away....

I’ve seen “those” movies…. You know the ones with overly romance guys, whoo-ing the girl with extravagant surpises: he’s standing in the doorway with flowers waiting to whisk her off on romantic jaunts, every moment planned just for her.

I giggle at these scenes in movies because it does not depict the typical, everyday life of the married couple. Not because the husband is a self-absorbed jerk or the wife is undeserving, but life is busy with jobs and the home and the kiddos and church and extended family and blah, blah, blah…. You know where I’m headed, right?!

And I am not a woman who shies away from acknowledging her birthday (today is my birthday, just fyi…), I am completely comfortable with my age of 33 and loving every (almost) minute of it. The Lord has seen fit to give me another breath, another day, another year in which to live each glorious, gifted moment to His ultimate Glory…. And I had big plans for today, BIG! The kiddos just started spring break, so we had the whole day to hang, enjoy the beautiful weather, maybe go out for dinner when my Man got home from work, it was gonna be wonderful.

Then the completely unexpected occurred……

He went for Man of the Decade today (ssshhhhh….nobody tell him that he had already won it, hands down!!)….. It was right out of a movie…..

A knock at the front door about 10:00am…. I open it to find him, my Man, my utterly wonderful husband standing at the front door holding 18 gorgeous roses (in all the most magnificent colors)!! We embrace, we kiss…..

I stammer something about how he should be at work and what’s he doing and these flowers are gorgeous and you are wonderful and joy rolls down my cheeks…..

This Man takes my breath away sometimes

He has arranged for someone, my sister (in-law), to be my ‘lady-in-waiting’ for the day, they will arrive at 11:00am to head to the first of many (many is an understatement) schedules appointments, just for me….

Could this possibly be real?!

I’m a bit off kilter, but so excited as he tells me to go get changed and he’ll take all the kids (I was babysitting today, so it wasn’t just ours…..)

The kids are all giddy and excited at this change in schedule and my Girlie wants to know Mama is going to go do and jealous because big brother ‘P’ was in on the secret all along, and ‘K’ is hugging and chanting “Happppppyyyy Ber-day, mama!!”

But this Man, just smiles big, hugs me tight, tells me how beautiful I am, how much I deserve this, enjoy and soak in all his love and he’ll see me later tonight…. An entire day?! Into the evening?!

I am whisked off to lunch at one of my fav places with my fav people, then to a spa for an afternoon of hair clipping, finger painting, back rubbing, then to one of my most coveted stores for shopping at my mama’s expense (happy birthday to me!!!!), to dinner, to more shopping, to a fabulous boutique expo, to one more gift revealed, then at the late hour of 8:30p I walk in the door of my home, my haven, arms laden with gifts and overflowing with grace….

And this final gift caused the joy to well up again… all my kiddos and this awesome Man of mine with candles lit singing and beaming and pictures frames with a special message for this monumentally blessed mama

I find words inadequate to describe how my heart is spilling with thanks for a Man who would take the time, precious moments to plan a day like this for me…every detailed laid out. It’s not the money he spent or even the gifts themselves, but to know that He took time to think about how to care for me in a way that we simply just don’t take the time to do much, takes my breath away. He sacrificed time and resourse to invest in surprising and pampering me, loved on me in such a profound way by going out of his way and saying “you first, my love”…..

So blessed….so blessed

stumbling blocks and direction

there are so many things i want to do and yet i become my biggest stumbling block...

...you don't have time

...the finances are there right now

...what if you fail and everyone knows you failed

...i don't even know what the next 7 steps should be to get from "here" to "there"

...what do i really have to offer

i don't like to struggle, to be without vision and answers, whirling thoughts create a vortex of unknowns into an ache

He is doing something in me.... i desire to do great things for Him and that very desire is from Him to begin with

but which "great" thing should be the focus? where would you have me look, Lord?

so His Word falls open before me and tells me to look to only Him, serve only Him... devotion and obedience brings blessing and wisdom and protection...

i continue to commit His word to my heart. the one and only commitment i've planted myself upon for this new year.... Philippians, the whole book, commit to memory so that His unspeakable joys and love, a whole book-ful will grow and blossom within this life of mine devoted to His

it's a start. a wonderful one, excitement abounds!!

but He has more, much more. still listening and seeking so i can stay on His path, so His righteousness blankets me against the stumbling blocks...

i pray this first month of the year has you seeking and yearning for His direction, this journey of faith and following Christ into 2011 together in this small community.... Lord, let your grace flow and overwhelm me Jesus with your Joy and Love, that all be for your Glory

feel free to open up and share where the Lord is taking you this year and how i might join you in praying for direction and favor...

favor...

oh, yes! i crave and need His favor! presently and for the narrow path ahead of me... don't we all

be blessed, dear one!

imperfection

i am completely imperfect and messy

i don't clean my house as much as i should

i tend to do the laundry, lay out the laundry, but struggle with putting away the laundry

sometimes dinner is organic peanut butter & jelly sandwiches

i yell at my daughter for whining about her outfit, reminding her to have a Spirit of gratitude for clothes...where is my Spirit of patience...

i can't walk into my oldest son's room without commenting on how disgusting it is

it is the 12th of january in 2011 and i've yet to write down my goals

do i have goals?...what dreams has God given me...where should my focus be this year, month, day...

i let my preschooler play computer games for an hour so i could make beds, pick up rooms and hang up my Man and i clothes (only taken me 2 weeks & mulitple loads)

in all my messiness, floating adrift in my heart and mind for the last few weeks, maybe months, the Lord is still speaking to my soul...

"I love you with an unending, eternal love"

"I have plans to prosper you"

"I think you're beautiful and I want you"

"Nothing is impossible with Me, my dear daughter"

maybe you're seeking His heart for direction, wisdom, discernment, approval, dreams just i have been

feeling a bit lost

wondering what to do, where to go

even when i don't know what to do next, i do the one thing i know will bring me nearer to Him

i praise, regardless of my circumstances, my attitude

i live thankfulness, tick through the endless blessings that He pours on me

i seek to have less of me, much less

that His grace will flow over me, through me

i want be a world-changer for His name's sake

i'm just seeking how He wants to do that this year

the anticipation is wonderful and frustrating all at the same time

...help me see the glimmers of your Beauty, that i may follow after you

...steal all of me, Jesus

...my imperfections and messiness....take it all

depraved indifference

my heart is reeling today, feeling all upside down inside....

we give each month, we look to reach out and help those in our community, we obey His command to invite people into our home and hearts--hospitality for His sake....

but i feel we're still missing it...

a depraved indifference, not because we don't care but many of the places and people God is calling us to are so far away that it isn't affecting my everyday steps

as i still am piecing together Christmas gifts for our kiddos, their three gifts just as Jesus got that Christmas day long ago, i am struck by how many today across our city, state, country, world as without basic needs--without love or hope--and when we have so much, how can i contemplate even 9 boxes under our tree when Christ called us to do unto others

wonderful Ann showed me this video and i pray if you doing nothing else on your computer today to watch this, pray and be transformed for His sake

i am unsure exactly where or what He wants me to do next, but i want to do more... i will, by His grace do more, there must be more change...

...how about you?

the prison walls...

walls: (as a verb, from dictionary.reference.com)

* to enclose, shut off, divide, protect, border, etc...

* to seal or entomb (someone or something) within a wall

walls keep out the cold and rain, keep the light at bay and the hum of life is dulled to a pur in this place of solece. walls secure our countries and kingdom from predators and onlookers, alike. provided a way in and out, the wall appears to provide strength and confidence, a respit for peace on long, weary days.... free to come and go... until the wall becomes the crutch, the hiding place, no longer a place of renewal and communion with Him...

the wall is no longer there to temporary protect from the pains of life, but brick by brick our shield has now imprisoned our heart....

what happens when we refuse to tear down the stones and live in His freedom? when we no longer step outside the doors in our wall and our role in His Body is empty and dying?

the way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don't, the parts we see and the parts we don't. if one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. if one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance. 1 Corinthians 12.25-26 (MSG)

the wall in theory was excellent defense: using the hurled stones of pain, anger, loss, betrayal and creating the barricade with which to kneel behind, where the healing from Him could begin....

as the wall hardened steadfast strong, an eery pride joins in and the mission to go it alone with no need for others creeps along, forgeting His command... simple safeguard for the heart, right? love hurts deep and long, pouring it out over and over without allowing His love to refill and flow through brings drought and famine. going it alone behind the walls breeds dullness, when love runs dry we forget the Master's command

"Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples--when they see the love you have for each other." John 13.34-35 (MSG)

selfish wants to buffer love and fellowship with thick walls.... but then how will they see Him?!

you use steel to sharpen steel,and one friend sharpens another.proverbs 27.17

must chose-- His path: to love, sacrifice, endless compassion.... a growing love affair with the original Lover of our soul... OR the fortress of walls: emptiness, aching lonliness, separation and hardening...

by His Spirit the stones of the armament crumble bit by bit... as Light exposes our hurts, our fears...the wombly first steps to serve, to love, to live life bare and unearthed without walls

faith and trust the only real Strength needed, all that will save the soul....

you are Christ's body--that's who you are! you must never forget this. only as you accept your part of that body does your "part" mean anything. 1 Corinthians 12.27

only when the wall breaks apart can His will truly be done...

as i step out, i have failed and pulled back, ducked behind the barrier of my heart....it's quiet, i'm alone and the fear blurs my vision of Him

i stand up, knock away more stones by His beautiful grace, i will not lose my joy for prideful disobedience....

heart cries out "make me more like you" and His courage to love, to serve, to host, to dream streams through my heart

i still fail, sometimes i cower, scrabble towards the walls, but stopping short, on bended knee and arms lifted heavenward.... i believe, i know He is greater than all the pain, the hurts, the betrayals, my sins

His love is abundant and fresh, radiant sweet

if we desire to be like Him, to be the Voice of love to the grotesque blackness of the world, be the hands He uses to break the chains of sin by reaching out, out of our comfortable places, the prison walls must come down

He is greater, marvelous, glorious and bigger than my inadequecy

make us like you, Oh Lord!!! take me where you need me, break my heart for your Kingdom's calling

is He calling you to leave your fortress and trust that He will sustain you heart?

catchin' up....

since i've been a tad inconsistent with my blogging for the last month (sorry, again...), there is a ton to catch up on, like....

....did i tell you that we had a baby squirrel?! yes, we did... past tense.... he had such a wonderful time playing with all the kiddos and jumping from drape to drape, eating hand-picked acorns and being the center of attention at 3rd grade show-n-tell, he (his name is Bandit) just laid down and fell into an eternal sleep dreaming of tall trees and yummy nuts from now 'til forever.... yep, he croaked passed away just days before we were to release him back into the wild back yard. it was actually very sad for our posse and my Man was conveniently out of town on business during the whole drama, leaving Mama here to handle the tragedy alone.... sorry if my sarsacm is dripping all over your screen right now, just wipe it off and find your happy place in looking at this adorable picture of Bandit and lil' Girlie

....i had an amazing 3 days soaking up the wisdom of Godly women at our church's womans conference! A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.!! the presence of the Lord so sweet and deep.... renewal that was much needed, insight that i had been seeking, dreams being revealed, and such a blast spending this time with my sister (in-law) M..... big God-sized dreams that seem impossible to me, but with God working through and the power of His Holy Spirit, nothing is too big for my God! can i get an AMEN?!! thanks :)

....there was a birthday in the house!!! our baby Girlie is now the big 9!! how did that happen?! she's 9, really?! aside from my denial that she's becoming a beautiful young girl and not my lil' preschooler anymore, it was a great week of celebration. yes, i said week long celebration: the family party on the 3rd, mini-celebration just our Posse on her actually birthday on the 5th and finally her friends came over for an evening that following weekend. wow, i'm tired all over again just typing that!

my sweet girl, Mama thinks the universe of your heart and soul! your eyes see right to someone's heart and your compassion is unmeasured. i love your delight in the Lord, how your voice rings sweet as you recite verses to me, God's secrets written on your heart...simply gorgeous is all of you, inside and out!

...and how could i forget the endless days of football practice and games for the ever-growing eldest, 'P'.... his dedication and perservance and hard-work this first jr. high season is stunning and inspiring to me. this was a lesson in preparation without much opportunity to perform....82 boys on the 7th grade team, so no one got to truly show their full potential, frustrating is the ache during games, but God is good and faithful and 'P' demonstrated great skill on defense (inside linebacker!) and he went uninjuried (yay!)....

and as soon as the season was finished the very next week began basketball tryouts (this is our sport, baby!!)...50 some odd 7th grade boys graced the court to compete for the coveted 18 spots. after a week long tryout, our awesome young man MADE THE TEAM!! so proud, excited, humbled, thrilled, anxious.... man i love you, kid!

....we went pumpkin hunting!!! no, this picture isn't from our evening at the pumpkin patch (those pictures may or may not ever grace the screen) but it was a superfabulous evening of corn mazes, corn boxes (think sand box, but with corn kennels instead!! it was great!), horse back riding, hay rides, feeding goats & sheep, bottle feeding a calf and a wonderful time around a bonfire roasting turkey dogs and marshmellows.but this picture is at a local farmers market and was however the perfect place to buy some perfectly orange pumpkins to puncuate our front porch...and for only $13 we walked out of there with 6 pumpkins and some "baby" princess punk'ins

'K' felt the need to put all the "baby" or small (we've been doing a lot of home preschooling about tall/short, big/small, etc.... so he's a little obsessed with grouping right now) punk'ins together or with a "mommy" pumpkin. you're so stinkin' cute Big 'K'!!!

that is most definitely NOT everything that's been happening in these parts, and i've had a bajillion and one thoughts and ponderings floating around my mind and on my heart.... i will share, promise... really i will!

i so want to share some my God-dreams that i feel being led towards, talk about the Mama's Day Out program i am starting, my thoughts on another Sister Party for the Christmas season and my complete obsession with a new holiday craft to make your home fantabulous!! and even if you never stop by again, just know this:

you were hand-crafted by the Creator of the Universe and He so wants to spend time with you today: just talking, singing, crying....He is never, ever far from His children. He's waiting for you.....

be blessed my dears!!!