Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
these boys are so awesome & cute and handsome, and all boy!!! (playing at lowes)
'K' has good days and very, very bad ones. but he's beautiful, won't you agree?!
speaking of being bad, check out 'K' trying to climb the fridge... sorry the pic is slightly blurry, and not on purpose as per MckMama's instructions in her blurry pic post, but it was because i was laughing at him!
and here's my caring girlie lil' 'lou-who' during her field trip...
so we've been busy, but it's a wonderful sort of busyness (don't think that's a word) and i would not have it any other way!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
i had been crying out to God to please heal me, stop my pain, why won't you help me?!! i wasn't even remotely interested in what i could be learning from my suffering. instead of getting mad or anxious and worried (which are all normal human reactions to pain & sickness, i'm not judging but God has more for us as Christians), i started relaxing, pulling myself out the mindset that i can't handle this and allowed my spirit to stop crying and to begin listening. and my Lord is faithful to answer my cries: Psalm 34.17:when the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles and verse 19:many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. Awesome, huh?!
as i started pressing into God even more, making myself trust Him no matter how i felt, and God began to speak Life into my broken soul. philippians 4.6 don't fret or worry. instead of worrying, pray. let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. it's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life (the message)
i began to see His glory in my situation in ways i hadn't recognized before: i didn't take days and moments with my family for granted (not that i did before, however we all forget to cherish those everyday moments with our babies to the degree that we should, each day is a gift from God, it's not something that we're owed). this was an opportunity to show my kiddos that no matter the circumstances we can ALWAYS praise the Lord. to be an example of faith and strength to my Man, to my family and friends and co-workers. when people would ask my how i was feeling, what was my diagnosis, i was able (by God's Awesome Grace) to respond 'no one knows but God, and His grace is more than enough': i didn't sugar coat it 'cause there were bad days, but i had a unique opportunity as i was walking through an obvious valley to be a vessel of the Lord's light to many who didn't know Him as their Father & Savior.
finally this last april i had a long waited appointment with a specialist, dr.c. this appointment had been scheduled for 4 months, so i decided to take this time to further plead my case before God with impudence, spend more time than ever before praying & praising Him. i could finally begin to pray 'Lord, no matter what happens, i love you regardless. i will serve you whatever the situation!' can you say that to Him today? i began praying and fasting for dr.c, believing God to reveal something through him that all other physicians had missed and that He would give dr.c wisdom in my situation. God doesn't disappoint!!! WOW, my God answers!! I AM HEALED!!
so not only now do i believe my Lord can meet all my needs financially, my needs as a wife & mama, my needs spiritually as a leader to my family and in my church & ministry, but i know that my God walks with me through fire and he is fully in control of my physically body, HE IS MY HEALER AND ALL I NEED!! (i just so happen to be listening at this moment to Hillsong's song 'Healer', how cool is that!) there isn't anything impossible for my Lord, and i look forward to the day, be it tomorrow or 70 years from now, that i get to go home to be with Him forever and ever!!
do you trust Him with all you are? no matter what comes your way, will you praise His name all the louder? what trials has God brought you through... leave a comment, there are lots of you stopping by to read, but i'd love to read a comment from you. who knows, your testimony could be just what someone else needs to hear today. i hope my words of faith and struggle and trimuph by the power of our Lord give you the faith to step out and believe, no matter what...
be strong. take courage. don't be intimidated. don't give them a second thought because God, YOUR GOD, is striding ahead of you. he's right there with you. he won't let you down; he won't leave you.
Monday, May 11, 2009
thankfully my Lord doesn't give me the choice as to whether i will encounter pain, He said that i would have times of strife and pain . i love Romans 8.17 : if we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him! and that gives me hope and renews my faith that i serve an awesome, wonderful, all-knowing, all-caring God!! PTL*
*praise the Lord!!!!
so i didn't get to chose if i would be sick for the last 14 months. God didn't let me have a choice of horrible physical pain and sickness or not. i didn't enjoy going to the doctor week after week without diagnosis, their looks of concern worsening and another test ordered. i didn't get to chose but i am SO thankful that God doesn't leave those decisions up to me. wanna know why?? come on you know you do :)
i would of course have chosen the easy way out! duh! i mean, my walk with Jesus was so amazing and filled with His blessings prior to March of 2008, so why lay a huge test of faith on me? "i am faithful to love you God, no need to let the hedge down, i promise i'm not going anywhere. i'll take the speed bumps and i pinkie-swear i'll grow in those bumps and we'll be all good, right?!!" uuummmm....no. the pain got worse, i would be sick all night for days on end, the pain would drop me, i was so tired. the doctors didn't know. i still worked, took care of the posse of kiddos because i'm mama and that's what mamas do, but as soon as they were in bed i couldn't hold it together and i'd lay down and cry for my husband to help me, make it stop. the doctors still didn't know. my Man would pray, i would pray out of fear that if i went to sleep that night, would i wake up? "God, please....i have to take care of my family! please don't take me now, just heal me, i can't take it, i can't take not knowing what's going on in my body. GOD HELP ME! DON'T YOU HEAR ME, PLEASE!" more tests, some good days, then weeks of bad days. CT scans, more blood work, surgery, lost over 40 pounds in 7 weeks (now i needed to lose 10, but that extra 30 was a little too much), ultrasounds...nothing.
Exodus 15.26b: I AM GOD YOUR HEALER
after 6 months of sickness and pain, with no diagnosis (thank you GOD for nothing) but still sick my Amazing Man suggested i go to a natropathic doctor, since i'm kinda anti-medicine anyway, maybe they'd have insight where traditional medicine isn't looking. and WOW!!! dr.delport, you are so great!! the Lord facilitated such an answer to my prayers through this man, still sick but everything all natural, supplements & herbs, using the things that God made for us to heal us, i was starting to feel a little better, so WOW!!! but natropathic medicine, all natural/organic eating, supplements & herbs: that is a whole other post that is coming, in parts and pieces. 6 months into this still scared, praying for healing, sitting in church every chance the doors were open (like normal) but not understanding why this unresolved illness wouldn't go away and why God would let this happen to me.
Exodus 15.26b: I AM GOD YOUR HEALER
did you know that my walk with the Lord was overflowing with faith in Him to provide for me and mine? i trusted Him to provide financially, to provide emotionally, to give me strength as a wife and a mama, walk me through the valleys of my life. did you know that never, ever, ever in my life, as a child or teenager or adult, have i ever believed on the Lord to take care of me physically? i take that back, during my pregnancy with Big 'K' my ob/gyn was concerned about a repeat of high blood pressure issues i experienced before, but i prayed, believed, had others praying and i knew God would take care of it, and He did!!! it was awesome (this word should be reserved for only describing God-things, ya know!!), not a single problem! however, i'm back to my previous statement, i was unable to fully trust God with my physical body.
which is why i am thankful for the last 14 months of illness and pain. i spent the first 6 months praying and crying out to God with fear in my heart and soul, but no true faith. i was not interested in what i could be learning from this trial, i only wanted to be saved from it.... and that's where this story that God is writing gets really good.....
Friday, May 8, 2009
here's a little peek into our world from the last week or so...
after consistent rains for what feels like forever, wondering if i could ever leave that blasted umbrella at home, we had some B-E-A-UTIFUL days this week here in 'Fly Over Country', so after the Posse got out of school Big'K' and i picked up the big kids, headed to Sonic for some 1/2 priced slushies and booked it over to the park. 'K' was having a big time, he desperately wanted to "wing me, ma! wing me!" but when he saw bubba and sis playing without him, that was the end of the "winging" (hee hee)....
master 'P' and lil' lou-who decided to take a turn on the baby stuff while at the park.
um, 'P' , mama thinks you're a touch too big, my love!!! hold on 'lou-who', he'll rock you right off that thing!!
Lil' had a wild west party to celebrate the end of being a 1st grader!! wow, my little girly has grown up so fast. we had some photo op's available on ms.forrester's horsie 'flicka' with our beloved daddy standing near by to love on her, while she still let's him. while lil' lou and i have a seriously special mama and daughter bond that is stronger than steel, daddy and her have a deep love!!! thank you Lord for a Godly Man to raise these kiddos with!!
and this pic is just some cuteness provided by none other than Big 'K'. he enjoys sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen while i attempt to cook something organic/all natural but yummy (more to come in a post about my addiction to all things organic and natural). 'k' loves to put on sunglasses or daddy's hats and say "me cool baby". i told you he's cute, and he knows it!!