Monday, May 11, 2009

be strong...

hardships...trials...suffering. these are not things that i personally like to experience, most people would avoid pain, be it physical or mentally or spiritually or financially, at all costs. maybe i shouldn't speak for you, so i would, given the choice, go for the path with the least resistance.

thankfully my Lord doesn't give me the choice as to whether i will encounter pain, He said that i would have times of strife and pain . i love Romans 8.17 : if we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him! and that gives me hope and renews my faith that i serve an awesome, wonderful, all-knowing, all-caring God!! PTL*

*praise the Lord!!!!

so i didn't get to chose if i would be sick for the last 14 months. God didn't let me have a choice of horrible physical pain and sickness or not. i didn't enjoy going to the doctor week after week without diagnosis, their looks of concern worsening and another test ordered. i didn't get to chose but i am SO thankful that God doesn't leave those decisions up to me. wanna know why?? come on you know you do :)

i would of course have chosen the easy way out! duh! i mean, my walk with Jesus was so amazing and filled with His blessings prior to March of 2008, so why lay a huge test of faith on me? "i am faithful to love you God, no need to let the hedge down, i promise i'm not going anywhere. i'll take the speed bumps and i pinkie-swear i'll grow in those bumps and we'll be all good, right?!!" the pain got worse, i would be sick all night for days on end, the pain would drop me, i was so tired. the doctors didn't know. i still worked, took care of the posse of kiddos because i'm mama and that's what mamas do, but as soon as they were in bed i couldn't hold it together and i'd lay down and cry for my husband to help me, make it stop. the doctors still didn't know. my Man would pray, i would pray out of fear that if i went to sleep that night, would i wake up? "God, please....i have to take care of my family! please don't take me now, just heal me, i can't take it, i can't take not knowing what's going on in my body. GOD HELP ME! DON'T YOU HEAR ME, PLEASE!" more tests, some good days, then weeks of bad days. CT scans, more blood work, surgery, lost over 40 pounds in 7 weeks (now i needed to lose 10, but that extra 30 was a little too much), ultrasounds...nothing.

Exodus 15.26b: I AM GOD YOUR HEALER

after 6 months of sickness and pain, with no diagnosis (thank you GOD for nothing) but still sick my Amazing Man suggested i go to a natropathic doctor, since i'm kinda anti-medicine anyway, maybe they'd have insight where traditional medicine isn't looking. and WOW!!! dr.delport, you are so great!! the Lord facilitated such an answer to my prayers through this man, still sick but everything all natural, supplements & herbs, using the things that God made for us to heal us, i was starting to feel a little better, so WOW!!! but natropathic medicine, all natural/organic eating, supplements & herbs: that is a whole other post that is coming, in parts and pieces. 6 months into this still scared, praying for healing, sitting in church every chance the doors were open (like normal) but not understanding why this unresolved illness wouldn't go away and why God would let this happen to me.

Exodus 15.26b: I AM GOD YOUR HEALER

did you know that my walk with the Lord was overflowing with faith in Him to provide for me and mine? i trusted Him to provide financially, to provide emotionally, to give me strength as a wife and a mama, walk me through the valleys of my life. did you know that never, ever, ever in my life, as a child or teenager or adult, have i ever believed on the Lord to take care of me physically? i take that back, during my pregnancy with Big 'K' my ob/gyn was concerned about a repeat of high blood pressure issues i experienced before, but i prayed, believed, had others praying and i knew God would take care of it, and He did!!! it was awesome (this word should be reserved for only describing God-things, ya know!!), not a single problem! however, i'm back to
my previous statement, i was unable to fully trust God with my physical body.

which is why i am thankful for the last 14 months of illness and pain. i spent the first 6 months praying and crying out to God with fear in my heart and soul, but no true faith. i was not interested in what i could be learning from this trial, i only wanted to be saved from it.... and that's where this story that God is writing gets really good.....

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