home sweet home...

so much has happened in the last week.....

my Man returned from a long business trip (5 days, but that is a long time to be away from my Love!) to find our home with new flooring throughout the kitchen, dining, mud room & laundry, and finally the downstairs bathroom... thanks is not enough to our awesome brothers (and sisters in laws for letting them help us, and to 'M' for watching the mighty 'K' and lil' girlie) who stepped up to install my beautiful tile while my Man was gone!! we had a deadline for ourselves to complete projects around our wonderful home in order to get it on the market for sale, so flooring was going in with or without my Man..

i absolutely love it!!! i don't want to leave now that all these projects are getting completed!! funny how many, ourselves included, wait until the house is to be sold to do projects & home improvements... we have vowed to not let that be the case in our new home... where ever that is to be...

but yes, our broken-in, fits us just right home is now officially on the market; i cried as i looked out the upstairs window at the sign that now resides in my front lawn. i love this home that my Man and i have created, by God' s grace....

...this home where we have celebrated many birthdays for our ever-growing kiddos

...this home that has seen as many colors as the inside of a crayon box, simply depending on my waivering mood and ideas from the pages of torn decor magazines

...this home where i watched my eldest learn to shoot a free-throw in the driveway, perfect fort building with his little sister and seen his heart grow as i hear him pray at night in the dark of his room

...this home where my baby girl had her first birthday, took her first steps, where i held her tight as she recovered from her surgery, and i watch her practice being a mommy through the cracked bedroom door

...this home is all my baby has ever known in his short two & a half years, he knows the floor plan by heart as he pads into my room in the wee hours to cuddle with mama til dawn, this is his castle, his safe haven of love & fun

...this home is where i lay with my Man at night and whisper my dreams and fears to his attentive ears and strong arms that hold me tight, here we've grown to know what real love is alongside real struggle and heartache

...this home where i perfected the painting of faux bricks on the walls and learned more than a painting technique but patience & endurance

...this home where God has met me in the middle of long nights: as i patted backs and rocked small children, or nursed a hungry baby, or worked on a pta project in the cold garage, as i lay nestled with my husband during the storms, or as i lay on the floor sick & crying out for his healing....He has held me up many days & nights as i trod the floors of this home...

the Lord is working many miracles in my life right now... no matter what anyone says i trust His leading, His ultimate calling on my life... i will not waive in my faith of how this walk has already been mapped out by Him and all this is His timing; what a blessing it is to know that God is so faithful to take care of His children.

please pray with us as we await the buyer for our home that God has been preparing, we've been diligently praying for them :) we are praying for the house that God has for us, as well, trusting in Him to bless us with another memory-making home... a home that we will flood with love and joy.... all by His grace that abounds in us.

what have you need of that we can join with you in prayer and faith? if you've never commented before simply chose the anonymous under 'comment as' and you're set... leave your name or don't, we will pray with you...

pity party for one, please...

stomping of the feet, aggravated sighs of irritation, annoyed, aggitated.... mad

biting, indignent.... self-righteous kind of mad

the kind that had me thinking that i somehow live this mostly good and servant-hood life for God that i should be immune to being the victim of someone's elses temper-tamtrum

and yet i sit here grieving my prideful fit of anger, confessing i thought & felt & told Him that He shouldn't have let this happen to me

oh no you didn't?!!! i feel like that's what the angels must have been saying to themselves when i spoke to the King of Kings like that

and yet He told me very quickly, without mincing words that i could use all my best efforts to attempt to be super-sinless but because i live in a world of sin & evil, these things would happen... but He came that i might know what real love & redemption is

He is my victor of injustice!!

so instead of internally cursing the entire situation, i will train myself to pray for a multitude of blessings to rain down upon those that would try to crush me, destroy me, demoan me...

some battles are not against what i can see, they are spirtiual battles that many times go unseen by my earthly eyes...

it is hard to pray for those that intend us harm, it initially rubs me the wrong way... but i have found the Lord to be so faithful to transform my heart, my thoughts, my desires when i remember that it's not about me but about what He's doing through me.

you may feel like i've been a broken record around here, but the Lord is really working on reminding me that He doesn't need me to stress, worry, rant, compulsively plan or any of the like... He wants to bless me!! it is His desire to love all over me, to provide me with all that i need and more!!

what He wants is for me to faithfully trust Him, seek His face & His Way, pour out praise as i kneel at His feet in heartfelt devotion to Lord of Lords... this is what He made me for!!! not to be a robot or follow out of obligation, not!! as i ask Him to change ALL of me then He creates a heart that want to be where God is!! as i seek out answers to my life's problems and praise even when the rain in pourin' down, He answers.... bigger & better than i had ever hoped for!!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8.28

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11.6

beauty is...

there is beauty & blessing in

a gnome-kiss from my baby, a quick 'love you' from my oldest and a long hug with my sweet little girl.

there is blessing & beauty surrounding me all the time, beyond the obvious, if i choose to see it...

the inside out socks left lying on the floor speak of the hurriedness of a little princess to slip into her play shoes & enter into her world of wonder and imagination

the basketball i've tripped over a 100 times today that conveniently resides by the door awaiting the next round of drills by a young boy that is becoming a young man before our eyes

drips of dinner on the table & chair & floor speak of a toddling, curly top babe who filled his tummy all by himself

crayons left out by our resident artist after her latest masterpiece of self-expression, adding the much needed touch to the walls of this home

a light layer of dust blankets the piano, coffee table & all stationary trinkets... its beauty isn't a riddle, for it will still be there tomorrow patiently beckoning me to wipe it away

but 'P' needs to talk about his day and tell me his latest joke, and my lil' Lou-Woo has an opening at her beauty salon and Charlotte's Web won't read itself, and 'K' has his bucket of army guys that need set up and a warm, sudsy bath to play cooking.... these things can't wait, today is a gift of beauty & blessing even in the mundain nuances of everyday life

...that's why it's called the Present...

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5.16-18

our Christmas morn...

oh how i love Christmas morning...



i cherish the moments of excitement and laughter bubbling out of my babes...

their gratitude is sincere and the hugs & kisses after all the paper is tossed aside are totally worth all the hours of work to earn the coins that purchased gift..

the memories we make as a family on Christmas morning will not be what they found in the box but of the giggles in trying to tear the paper, and the time playing new games together, the sibling relationships that deepen with each moment playing along side the other...

it will be how our home felt as they came down the stairs that sunny morning, the warmth of each other's embrace, the smell of the coffee and cinnamon rolls mingling together in the air, the snuggling under the blankets while listening to daddy read the Christmas story before even a present is revealed...

my mind already remembers a little boy kissing me and pulling on my hand to go downstairs to discover his stocking overflowing, the lights were turned on by another son who had made his way down before us and unpacked his stocking and his hug of thanks, me telling God thank you for these sweet babes, listening to my little men awake the princess with tales of a stocking filled for her, reminding myself that these moments will be gone someday and remembering to treasure these times... so blessed to have this family, so blessed to have a God who prepared a Man just for me, these kiddos just for me...

isn't God grace wonderful?

i am the mama to a tween

hi, my name is Mama and i have a tween son. i am also known to him as:

the "breakfast fixer" for a sleepy middle-schooler who tries to inhale food in five minutes flat before the bus arrives; the "taxi driver" to for all sporting events, practices, open gyms, and ball tournaments; "laundry slave" to keep all the boy's favorite nike & reebok pants and sweatshirts clean upon request; the "coat enforcer" that will be force, if needed, make the tween boy put on his coat even though said child argues that 20 degrees is not cold enough for a coat...

the "toothbrush nazi" since i actually make the boy clean his teeth well and annoy him with reminders to scrub the retainer not just rinsing it; the "loud cheerleader" since i will never be accused of being quiet during the tween child's games and potentially heaping upon him embarassment with my wild game attire and bellowing cheers;

whatever different roles and subtitles i might have for my eldest son, more than anything he knows that i am the mama who will always be there to pick him up when he falls (because he has and will continue to fall down), i love him so deeply, from the depths of who i am and there isn't anything i wouldn't do for him, there isn't any place too far that i wouldn't go to rescue him, he can't ever make me not love him. this doesn't mean i won't allow him to make mistakes and then have to fix them on his own, but i will be there to guide him; there will be times he won't talk to me but i will never stop talking to him :) ; i will not let him date a girl until he's 18, in hopes that as a man he'll know how to truly care & love a woman by Godly standards not the world's....

my son, you are a special gift from God for me (and your daddy) and i love you... all the way to the moon and back...

more abundant!

a couple weeks ago i experienced quite the flashback into what seemed like another life... my boy 'P' had to play in a double-header one evening, so after the first game we had about an hour or so to kill and get some dinner. and the consensus from my fast-food deprived family was, of course, something greasy and potentially not even real food, so we compromised and went to wendy's instead of the other place with a large 'M' out front.

as the big kids played with 'K' while my Man and i got some burgers & fries (i opted for their chicken sandwich, yum!) and we all sat down to our dinner. we ate and chatted: "K, don't take the straw out of that cup again!," "lil' Girlie, please eat something besides the fries," and "P, are you sure you should inhale that double-cheeseburger so fast? you have another game soon... that would not look good coming back up..."

the Posse finished up their bites and since we were the only ones in the place, we allowed 'K' to run a little wild and put the big kids in charge of playing with him. and as i sat talking with my Man with the sounds of laughter and squeals of joy in the background, my mind raced 14 years back in time to December 14 of 1996...

i changed my clothes as least 5 times that evening, and when the doorbell rang i grabbed my purse and jacket, and opened the front door to see the handsome smile of my date (a.k.a. my Man). we were going to a movie (our very first official date) and he asked if i'd like to grab a bite to eat first. sure! and the place where we had been grabbing a bite for the last six months was wendy's, so that's where we ended up. we laughed as we sat down about how really unromantic this was, but i told him i didn't care (and i didn't). we ate, talked, talked some more (we both smoked then and back then you could actually smoke inside the restaurant, weird, huh?! so we sat there talking, smoking and getting free refills for probably an hour... thank goodness that bad habit is long gone!!) and then it was off to the movie!!

i won't satisfy your curiousity about the details of the remainder of our evening, but the movie was great, the Christmas lights were a beautiful backdrop to a chilly winter drive, and i did get an amazing kiss at the door at the close of the evening...

okay, as i quickly brought myself back into the present, along with the help of "mmmoooommm! 'K' won't stop pushing me!! and he's spitting, too!", i looked at my husband and giggled with a huge smile on my face.

curious what was prompting this glow of laughter, he asked me what i was thinking... so i shared.

i told him that "as we are sitting here in a wendy's, in late December, 14 years from our first real date, this just feels a little surreal. did you ever think that night that this was how it was going to end up?" and i then motioned to our babes running rampant around the tables. "could you have ever dreamed that we'd be who we are, with these kiddos, living the lives we have?" he laughed as he recounted aloud to me some of his favorite memories from that night, and firmly said "no, he never dreamed our lives would have become this. but this is so much better!"

we loaded up our posse into the tahoe, and headed back for 'P's second game, while listening to them laughing in the back seats, i kept looking at my Man on the drive back to the gym and thought to myself how amazing he is and how incredibly blessed i am to have such a great man as my Man! and i couldn't agree more... this life we share and are building, by God's grace, is so much better than what we had planned out for ourselves.

have you ever pondered what could have been? what happened to the dreams you once held so dear? do you feel like where you are is better than what you have planned?

i wonder sometimes when i run into past friends from high school or college, if i turned out like they had thought i would... i know that when i hear about former friends or distant family and what is going on in their life, i've somtimes thought "wow, i never saw them doing that for a career, or that's a shame, they had so much potential." i know, i know, that's probably wrong to admit; i'm not trying to judge anyone, i guess i just saw something different for that person. is that bad?

i know for sure if the friends i had during my first summer after high school could see me now, they may be relieved and maybe shocked... i look back on all the partying i did and selish living i held to, and well i'm ashamed of how we all acted. i also think to myself that if my kiddos ever act like that, it will be the last thing they do!! :)

i am so glad that God brought me and my Man to a place in our life where we had a choice: continue to live for the world and keep suffering (while pretending to really be having a 'good time') or find real life in surrendering our hearts and minds and our future to Him.

i never thought we'd have the three most precious and outstanding kids that the Lord ever created, and i never thought i'd want more (please don't read anything into that, no we're not expecting, at least i don't think :)), i never hoped to be a stay at home mama with an urge to organize and clean 'til my hearts content, i never thought i'd teach toddlers on sunday mornings to sing Jesus Loves Me instead being the one in big church leading the singing, i never knew how much i could love my husband and submitting to his leadership for our family, i never believed i'd still live in the same place i was born, i never thought i'd have gone into the career field that i did.... i could go on, but here's the point (again for those in the back!!):

i praise the Lord daily for my blessings and my trials. that He saw fit to pick me up out the miry clay, clean me off, take my poorly laid plans and revise every single one to create this amazing life, bigger and better than i could have ever planned for myself (John 10.10,the message)!!

what say you?....

my God-sized dreams...

a brand new year.... these first few days of a crisp new year are always a time of reflection for me and thoughts about what will come in the following year; it is a door waiting to be opened...

there are numerous goals and aspirations that i have for 2010, i am filled with anticipation for what God has for me and my Man and our Posse of Kiddos. i also sit here typing in bed, pondering the clean & spotless new calendar set before me with some anxiety and pessimism. i truly hate to admit that to you, but it's the truth... i struggle with what roads to take, do i turn left or right, or right & three-quarters, or maybe not quite... and no i am not that poetic :) i'll give credit to the genius that is dr.seuss from Oh! The Places You'll Go!!... however, do you feel what i'm saying?

... how do i get from where i am now to where God wants me to be?

i want so desperately from the very utter core of my soul to serve God with all that i am, to diligently seek after Him, that His will would be fully worked out in and through my life, that He would get all the glory and praise!!! does your heart yearn for Him deeply? oh, mine does!! now that doesn't mean that i am walking some walk of perfection and holy righteousness... no ma'am!! it does mean that i strive in all things to grow closer to Him, that by His Grace i might become more obedient, loving, compassionate, wiser, patient... i could go on in all the ways i need Jesus to continue transforming me.

so there is this part of me that whilst i find such peace and contentment in loving and serving and living for God, i am still struggling with exhibiting and maintaining a fully joyous outlook right now. i feel full of chaos and uncertainity; i do not like chaos and uncertainity. i so love my lists, all organized and labeled and color-coded, i love planning, i love structure. i am looking to God to give me answers and direction... and yet i feel like i'm standing out on the edge of the cliff, i lick my finger to see which way the wind is blowing, i check my compass, i look around.... hello? answer, direction, anyone?!

but maybe i already know God's will for me right now. maybe it is as plain as the nose on my cute toddler's face!! but what if i'm wrong? what if my dreams aren't what God really has for us, what if... what if... what if... i could do this all day, ya know?!

God is the God of the Impossible!! He is the Miracle-Working Lord that has amazing plans for me (Jeremiah 29.11) and if i'm walking with Him then these dreams are possibly what He has laid on my heart!!! why not dream something BIG and do something GREAT for God?!?!

"God can do anything, you know--far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." Ephesians 3.20 The Message

so what are my God-sized dreams for 2010? here's the short list...

that i will officially be a stay-at-home mama very soon! -- that our home would sell within 30 days of getting it on the market (we plan to get it on the market by the end of January) for the listing price -- i believe God will give us a new home the size we need at the price we need -- i want to overflowingly grow in my ability to love the lost and other Christians in need of encouragement -- as i work on raising funds for the Jaymun Foundation i want to find donors to contribute $250,000 within the next six months -- i want total and complete physical healing! -- i want to have more memory-making ordinary days with my kiddos...

i think i could keep typing for hours on what i would love to see God do in my life, my marriage, my parenting, my ministries...

...but mostly i just want Him. i want more of God, i want to reveal His amazing love and forgiveness, i want to abound in joy because He wants me to know happiness and joy and real freedom in surrendering all i am to Him!!

whatever tomorrow brings, it will be because God allowed in my life, because His provisions for me are to bring me to a closer walk with Him, that while He carries me through the trials and uncertainity i'll learn to trust Him more and find the beauty in total surrender... welcome 2010