cruisin' into the fall...

so we've made it to the end of the first trimester....yay!!! the consistent nausea is not as consistent and the getting up 5 times a night to go to the bathroom is down to about one time, so i'll take this much desired relief and cruise into the second trimester. i got to hear my babe's heartbeat yesterday! i love love that sound!! so precious...it's hard to believe that 14 weeks have already gone by

i don't have a ultrasound pic of my own for 13-14 weeks (wouldn't it be so amazing to have one every couple weeks to see the baby?!) but i found this one and while i'm completely sure my lil' gummi bear is more beautiful, this will do :)

the big kiddos are back in school, just starting week 4, and 'K' is happily soaking up all the one-on-one attention. i really wasn't quite ready for them to go back just yet, but i was ready to stop hearing the hum of the PlayStation3 and disney channel and arguments about who double bounced who on the trampoline...on purpose.

cute picture of my posse of the kiddos at my brother-in-law's wedding a few months ago...just thought i'd share how awesome they looked :)

i started a new business from home (in addition to all the crafting stuff i already do, like this super cute purse/bag i made)

and i'm really loving it....but i'll do a separate post about that soon, okay?

hhhmmmmmm.....what else can i say is happening? i've been laying back and resting in the presence of God and His Grace, seeking to trust Him with all the changes that are happening and forthcoming. really been working on accepting His gift of unconditional love in a way i know i never have in my 20+ years of salvation. let's just say that it's liberating to truly serve and believe on Christ knowing & reminding myself that His love & blessing for me has nothing to do with me and what i give Him but is a demonstation of His blinding awesomeness!!! His faithfulness!!! that's pretty amazing and noteworthy don't ya think?!

my prayer for you this week (and month for that matter)is that you would slow down, close your eyes and take note of the graces, gifts, blessings that surround you, give thanks to Him who is the Giver and snuggle in a bit closer to the One who loves you more than we can ever comprehend.

be blessed....

He is so good to me...

its officially been a lifetime since i last wrote anything on this poor blog.....

however one thing has NOT changed: i am still and forever more will be a very Blessed Mama!!!

when i last left you we were celebrating the new little life growing inside me! babe #4 is such a part of this mama's heart and soul and a faith-renewing miracle!! and i can whole-hearted yell and proclaim that from the mountain tops....

...even though our sweet babe is now a beautiful angel basking in the Glorious presence of our Lord.

losing a child, be it during pregnancy or stillbirth or as an infant, is horrific to put it nicely. it didn't help us when the head physican in the ultrasound department said that as many as 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. i realize he was trying to help, give me sterile soliace that this wasn't my fault and it happens all the time. didn't really sit well with me, this losing my baby doesn't happen to me "all the time."

but my God is so good!!! MY GOD IS SO GOOD!!!

i kept repeating that, hypnotizing myself really, for the next few painful days. i knew it was true, God is faithful and awesome and so, so good, and i was not going to let myself blame Him or lose sight of His heart for me.

He knew what the doctor would see on the ultrasound, no surprise to Him no matter how much this surprised me.

i will hold my precious, God-crafted and designed Baby Angel someday in heaven....it will be breath-taking!!

that was the middle of may....

fast forward to today, tuesday the 9th of august 2011

this is our gorgeous baby #5...little gummi bear (this is my nickname for all our wee little babes) is 9 weeks old, perfectly squishy and healthy, developing splendidly and due to greet us in march of 2011

my God is so big, so strong and so mighty...there's nothing my God can not do!!!

a peek into my week...

i know, i know, it's only been forever since i last posted.... sorry.... we get busy around here and i literally go days on end without opening my laptop. i am totally determined to not let this happen anymore, even if all i'm writing about is what i made for dinner and the strange dreams i had the night before :) maybe y'all can help interpret some of them, because the dreams have been getting weird! i need to drink some calming green tea before bed or something!

has it been raining for like two weeks where you're at? i swear i am done with rain!! this is just one of the reasons why....

yes, after two days of record rainfall last week, we had about 3 feet of water under our home, a backed-up sewer system and me have a little stress-attack! you can understand, right? when you have five people in the house and the toliets won't flush, well i'll just let your imagination and nose go from there.

but 97.50 for a plumber to work 20 minutes and fix the problem (and oh my goodness! that is a career path i am thankful i never considered!! gross, gross, gross!!!) and 84.00 for a sump pump, we were on the road to getting everything back to normal by last friday afternoon. and we were incredibly thankful for my brother (in-law) who hauled over a HUGE pump from his work to get the water out from under the house much faster!! and the mammoth puppy and Big 'K' had the time of their lives playing in the water that was leaving the house and now flooding the yard!

i promise that the water wasn't contaminated or anything, but it made a terribly muddy mess of my already soggy yard and my neighbor wasn't exactly please that the run off was puddling up her yard (again) too.... but what can ya do?!

what else?..... oh! my babe, Masta 'P', is just days away from his first jr. high football game!! we are soooooooo excited and pumped for him! he's had 2 1/2 hour practices every day after school, so he's ready. and he got the jersey number that he had desperately been praying he'd get....

my other brother (in-law) is the number 1 high school running back in the state (he holds 5 state records! but he's in college now... i digress, sorry) and 32 was his number, and 'P' really wanted to have that number in jr. high and in high school, too. and we were all really excited, too! it was an affirmation to him but me as well, that nothing we pray and give to God is too small or insignificant; if it's important to us and something that's on our heart, the Lord is so faithful to hear us...

i love to bake from scratch. mostly i want to control what is going into our food, but baking/cooking is theraputic to me, is it that way for you? my bestie (ms.s) teases me about making my pizza crusts from scratch, like when i say "it's really not that hard or a big deal" and she says "well not if your martha stewart!" so i just decide to take the sideways compliment and go on about my day :)

so since 'K' and i are together all day with nothin' but time to learn, read, play, frolic, shop, clean... ahem, i got a little sidetracked.... we bake together quite a bit

he was so happy to wear mama's apron, and i am glad i snapped a pic real quick because in no time flat he was trying to yank it off with extreme prejudice! we were whipping up some sugar cookies, which are really awesome and soft, but i need to create some sweet glaze or something to drizzle over the top.... just thinking out loud :)

my glorious Girlie is doing so outstanding at her (new) school. third grade is splendid and she is making several close friends and if i haven't said it before, we just are so giddy about her teacher and what a blessing she is!

as we walk to school in the mornings, we walk right past a locally owned donut & coffee shop, and it smells incredible, delectible, scrumpitous!! so i got us out the door just a little earlier than normal this week and surprised Girlie with a little detour into the shop for a donut (or two). she smiling from ear to ear and loved the treat!

don't you just love surprising your kiddos with special treats like this? my kiddos treasure the most simple memories like this and the moments of talking over a sprinkle donut.... i love 'em

i've had several orders of Jewelry Portraits (from my design business, Flooded By Grace Designs) and they've been custom orders and that has been truly a treat for me to create them!

here's one i did for a little girl who needed a portrait for her growing necklace & earring collection plus something to hold her beautiful hair bows...

it was a double stack of frames with gorgeous satin ribbon and buttons flowing from the bottom to clip hair bows on.... i loved it and lil' Girlie was a bit more than jealous for it! i am still working on my website, it's a much longer process than i anticipated, plus i'm trying to get my inventory (jewelry portraits and such) built up and ready for orders, but customers can always make a custom order request... just sayin' :) if you're interested just drop me a note!

and before all the sogginess, 'K' and i have enjoyed some cooler, fall-like days at the park...
...isn't he just beautiful?! wow...

and he was racing just as fast as he can up and down the ramp on the equipment. amazingly he didn't bite the dust... praise the Lord :)

"peek-a-boo, mama!!!"

okay, so this is a peek of what's going on in my world.... i promise, cross my heart to be back tomorrow with something profound to say.... or at least something amusing to say :)

love ya!

be blessed!

running to and fro...

okay so besides my obvious addiction to all things twilight, and by the way i have an entire post about my thoughts on twilight and if you don't care i do understand but you are totally missing out!! ahem...... anyway, we have been busy, busy, busy here in fly over country, USA.

my big kids go back to school in only 2 weeks!! i can't believe it's flown by so quickly! so last week we took our annual trip out and about to buy school clothes and shoes and hang out...

one of the many places we shopped was the mall....aaagggrrrhhh....i despise, loathe, dread the mall. something about taking three kids of varying ages, different opinions and wants, having to go into more stores than i want just to say "no" to most things, attempting to avoid all the candy, cookie and pretzel vendors, ugh! however, they were all mostly good, okay 'P' and Girlie were, of course, good....

...but 'K' on the other hand was having a rather difficult time following directions. however he and 'P' had an amazing time riding the escalator over and over and over.... and then as he bunkered himself under some shelves of jeans, his sweet sis sat next to him humming and chatting until, well see for yourself...

yep! it was way past naptime and i was totally fine with it, as least he wasn't running around pulling clothes off the rack :)

and by the way, jc penny was having an amazing sale, and no they didn't pay me to say it, but WOW! you should totally check it out...

i've also been creating several jewelry portraits for my sweet readers who won them plus a couple as gifts and i am developing a business plan and site to sell Flooded By Grace Designs... it is sure to be wonderful (i hope)...

i really liked this design with a delicate pink frame, the vintage pink roses in the background, sweet pearls with purple button accents from which to hang necklaces or rings...



and this one was a requested pink and brown palate....

and i have to say that i loved how the varying shades of pink paisley ribbon on the inside of the frame popped against the background & the frame, but i'm kinda of biased :) more importantly, what do you think? i'm really curious...

so as i prep our lives for a kid in junior high, one in third grade and lastly our little one for preschool, i am experiencing glorious anticipation about what the Lord is bringing to our lives and how He will use me... praying that He will equip me, make me worthy of the calling He has on my life.

seriously, i'm writing out my thoughts on twilight for debut tomorrow, so you won't want to miss this one....

love y'all! be blessed.....

you need to know

i have avoided writing about this subject, seeing as it hits so very close to home for me, however i was prompted by some people's comments the other day to bite the bullet and put my beliefs and thoughts out there for all to read...

i pray your heart is open to the truth and you won't get mad, but regardless it doesn't make the facts any less real and true. it is important to have all the information when it comes to protecting life, especially the life of the those too little to speak out on their own behalf. so from a heart of love for those who read this, i want to tell you a bit more about why i have suffered with much sickness and pain for the last two years and how it could have been avoided, how innocent life should have been protected and why i feel it's my need to help protect other women & babes...

~~i finally stopped nursing 'K' when he was about 7 months old, my cycle finally started up again and so i began talking with my ob/gyn about birth control options. the pill or the shots aren't an option for me due to increased migraines & blood pressure, quite frankly it's not safe for me to take anything that contains artifical hormones or alters my hormones. so the only alternative my doctor said that i had other than condoms was the ParaGard IUD. he said it didn't contain hormones and worked for up to 10 years. my initial thought was great! my ob/gyn had always been very upfront, so caring, he delivered all three of my kiddos.... i trusted his judgement. i didn't research the IUD, infact when we had tried other birth control pills in the past i didn't ever spend time researching them either, that's what i had a good Christian ob/gyn for, right?

within a week of having the procedure to implant the IUD i was sick: severe abdominal pain, constant nausea, heartburn, diareaha, and within the next 7 weeks i would lose 35 pounds. i had gone back to my ob/gyn, to the ER, to my regular doctor and every single one of them said there was no way that the IUD could have made me that ill.~~

here's the safety information insert that patients should receive, but i got this from their website:

Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID): Uncommonly, ParaGard and other IUDs are associated with PID. PID is an infection of the uterus, tubes, and nearby organs. PID is most likelly to occur in the first 20 days after placement..... (emphasis is mine)

when i read this info almost 13 months after all my sickness had begun(and still being very sick) i cried, long and hard... but i cried harder and with such grief when i read this in the same insert from ParaGard:

How does ParaGard work?

Ideas about how ParaGard works include preventing sperm from reaching the egg, preventing the sperm from fertilizing the egg, and preventing the egg from attaching (implanting) in the uterus. (emphasis all mine)

wah?! ideas? so we don't exactly know how it will work, it's just an idea?! it prevents the egg from attaching?! so each month i have the chance of getting pregnant but my "birth control" keeps that from happening by aborting my baby?! wah?! you have to be kidding me!! my ob/gyn didn't say that! he's a Christian, how could he offer this? why didn't i research this for myself?

so i did further research at contracpt.org and it spelled out the same horrific things associated with the IUDs: abdominal infections resulting in adhesions, severe pelvic pain, and the worst of all: aborting the baby.

~~my doctors 7 weeks into my sickness simply thought i had reflux, a possible hital hernia and irritable bowel. but i continued to get more & more ill, what my Man wouldn't tell me then but will say now "you looked like you were dying..." and yet we had no answers. so it was decided after a nuclear test to look at my insides (again) that my gall bladder had some flucuations so let's take that out, they said that would fix it.

gall bladder out.... 2 weeks later, sicker than before. you've read this before here and here so i won't repeat my woes, because God's grace is more than enough for me!! and while i have thought several times before i have received complete healing, that hasn't happened but it is NOT too hard or too big for my God, He sustains me each day and i know He never leaves me.

but i turned to natural medicine, organic eating and while that helped i was still suffering often. but it wasn't until i finally got in with a GI specialist to have a colonoscopy and upper endoscopy done to check for cancer that he followed up on our hunch that the IUD was the source of this sickness. and after he explained what an IUD does as far as making the uterus "inhospitable" for babies and the inflammation that it causes. six days later after the procedures (which were clear, PTL!) i had the IUD removed.... within 7 days the nausea and vomiting were gone.

and while i still have terrible pain and some additional complications due to the infection and it has resulted in severe endometriosis, another side effect that would have been nice to know, i wish i had known then what i know now~~

this whole recount of 2 1/2 years to say this: are we asking the right questions when we are at the doctor's office? or are we trusting that they are telling us all the fine print?! doctors are people, imperfect people, and we have to ask the questions and get the answers!

did you ever assume that a form of over-the-counter birth control makes it possible for an early abortion? i'm not talking about the morning after pill (which is just a high dose of regular birth control)... am i the only woman how didn't know that that's how an IUD works? why is this okay?!

yes, i am completely, 100%, from the moment of fertilization a believer it is a baby, no question! and i was heartbroken to know that i had that IUD and what if....

did you know that creating a "thinned and shriveled endometrial lining" or in layman's terms: a uterus that a fertilized egg couldn't implant into is also a function of the typical birth control pill?

well, i've done some research for you:

christian family planning

christian answers

eternal perspective ministries

try any of these links and see for yourself. disagree if you want, it doesn't change the truth. now first and foremost i want to protect and cherish life, no matter 2 days since fertilized or 39 weeks into gestation, and oh my gracious i simply can't take a pill or insert a device that will abort that baby.

and the damage that i have physically sustained due to complications is obscene! the lack of answers, refusing to link it back to the IUD, well i just have an adversion to typically western medicine now; yes an antibiotic is definitely necessary from time to time, but taking a pill each day to alter my body's hormonal balance and how it was designed to function, nope!

for you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

i praise you because i am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, i know that full well. psalm 139.13-14

this is not to condemn or judge any woman who is currently on birth control, be it the pill or IUD or the shot. please hear my heart, please! i love ya! i have not been carried through this trial by the Lord to let it go to the wayside... i want you to have the true, real information to make a prayful decision for yourself.

you might look at the evidence and feel that the chances of an egg not implanting is so slight that you're comfortable with the pill or the shot or the nuva ring and such. and if after much prayer and discussion with your hubby and doctor, that's your choice then be blessed!! you might still think that an IUD sounds like a great option... i sure hope for your own physical well-being and possible baby's well-being that it's not the choice; not because i'm condemning you but rather i want wonderful blessing and favor for you!

so while we might use a more natural family planning approach and that's what works for us, it's not for everyone and it does require a little more forethought, but it's our plan for our family right now.

my prayer is you learned something you might not have known before, i hope that my struggles will touch your heart, by faith i believe your desire to protect life will be strengthened and unwaivering, that you will search for yourself and work it out with the Lord....

i'd love to hear your thoughts, good or bad

much love to you....

i've got my groove back!

i am alive!! i know, i know, it has been an entire month since i last blogged, and i have so much stored up inside that i just might burst!! if you have been following me on Twitter, then you've been pretty much up-to-date with all events here, such as: packing, closing on houses, unpacking, basketball, pool, fatigue, rearranging for the millionth time, and so on.....

so yes, we sold our beautiful home on june 25th and that same afternoon signed the papers to purchase our new home. if you want a recap on our new home, i'll get there, promise!! and it has been absolute chaos since that day!! last minute issues with buyers, filling up a 24' truck two times to get everything moved and then fitting everything from a 2200 sq.ft. home into a 1500 sq.ft. home is proving to be a challenge....

however, here is our life in a few briefs photos over the last month! enjoy....

our new home is in between two parks! yes, we live smack in the middle of town now, instead of our backyard view being a cow pasture, but it honestly is even quieter outside than at the old house (aside from the ambulance sirens every now & again). but one of the super fun perks of our home is how close to the parks, the pool we are, and 'P's favorite: the locally owned donut shop!!

here's my lil' Lou-Woo Girlie playing and i swear that she gets more beautiful every single day!

big trees!! our home has 6 very large, old trees that are perfect for climbing.... this cute face was captured climbing trees while playing at the park though.... he's so stinkin' adorable and all that curly blonde hair, oh i just love it!!!

we are at the pool A LOT! ok, we weren't at the pool at all the first week we moved, and we might have gone during week 2 had it not been storming some every day!! geez, is it april showers in july?! but thankfully, it has cleared off this week and been very hot, so we have been living it up poolside....

our oldest, mr.'P', is always playing some sort of sport. he is very blessed with athletic talents, thanks be to God!! and since he is headed to jr. high this year (tear...) he had an opportunity to play on the junior high basketball team for a shootout tournament. they did amazing, playing teams from all over the area. we were incredibly proud of him and his hard work!

(he's the one in the front to the right, during warm-up drills before their 8:20am game.... which wouldn't have been so bad except this was day 3 of the tournament and last game from the night before didn't get over until 10:45pm!!)

and while we've been at the park, the pool and playing lots of basketball, there was SO much preparation for moving. have you moved recently? then you can relate to utter chaos that engulfs your existence has you pack up every scrap of your life and try to find a box to stick it in.

that last week prior to moving was hard for us: not only were we all a little teary still about leaving our home but my Man had a business trip that had been scheduled for months & months, so there was not any getting around the fact that he would be leaving that saturday morning the 19th and not return until 2 hours before closing on friday the 25th!!

so while i was doing this.....

....my Man had meetings with this man (yes, that's Jeff Gordon!)

...at all the places on the planet, he was here....

...oh yes!! he was at Disney World!! is my jealously seeping through your screen?! we had planned on escorting daddy down to florida, but with the move it wasn't even the tiniest bit possible. darn!

nevertheless, we survived that week without my Man around to help me with all the last minute preparations, but much thanks to my mama and my brothers & sisters-in-law... i got our new home painted that week and pretty much everything at the old homestead packed up.



but why is it no matter how well you think you've done in packing and organizing, that when everyone shows up to graciously help you in loading up the truck (twice...) that you "find" all these little things that you forgot about?! and with people calling your name from upstairs and downstairs asking "what do i do with this?" and "does this go in a car or get packed into the truck?" it feels that much more stressful..... and not to mention the crabbiest, most ungrateful buyers on the planet that decided to display there nastiest for all to see that day, too... but i'm not even going to tell you that story because then my hateful side will emerge and i'd like this post to be mostly 'cakes & pies' for you dear readers!!




so we got moved that very warm friday evening and had everything into our new home by midnight....


we had a birthday our first week here!! it was baby Big 'K's third birthday!! oh, how did he get so big? we had a toy story themed birthday, completed with a large buzz lightyear balloon floating around our home for days :)



here's sweet boy blowing out the candle on his birthday cupcake (we had his big party with family at nana's house the next day)....




and it is a tradition that began with 'P's first birthday, when they're little and don't have much of a say, we have a cheeseburger at mc-d's....


isn't his faux hawk hair-do just awesome?! i did actually have it cut that way because i think he wears it splendidly!



but before the birthday, before the move and before the paint, this was what my family room looked like... i so love the big picture window



and this is one of my bathrooms with its original 1961 pink floor tile (which i just adore, by the way!) and the original 1961 wallpaper (which i don't hate but can't wait to change!)

isn't it cute? can to see another sink in the back? there is a pocket door between them because there's a door from the master to the tub/sink/toliet area so we can have our privacy and if kids or guests need to wash up, brush their teeth or fix there hair they can still do that! neat, huh?

and here was my kitchen/dining prior paint and such.... it is now two delicious shades of purple and i can't wait for ya'll to see it

so in a nutshell that was what the last month consisted of... well i do have a video post for you that will walk you through the house now that i've had three weeks to organize, paint some more, decorate and re-organize again...

i've also been spending much time in the Word and in prayer, writing and trying to keep my thoughts positive. it has been a challenge to stay in a 'cupcakes & pie' sort of place when it's all a mess and there is a long list of things that need updated or fixed in a 50 year old home, but i am beginning to feel like this is "our home" and being home with my kiddos is such a wonderful blessing, even when it's hard

i have also been working on some crafts and sewing projects and i would love to reward one of you!!

here's a sneak peek....

curious?

good!!! there's a post prepped and scheduled for tonight at 9p cst and you can see the prize and enter to win!!

i can't wait to start reconnecting with everyone again and i have several posts i've been preparing that i want to share with you, so swing by tonight and enter to win!!!!

love ya much!

the move that almost wasn't...

our home sold!!!!

i know!! it has been a long time comin'!! well, technically only four months, but it has certainly felt like forever. i have the utmost respect for you if your house has been for sale for awhile without an offer, because the whole process is exhausting! no joke... the impending sense that a realtor will call at any moment to show your house, so it must be perfectly presentable all the blasted time, well it can send you right into a straight jacket!!



however, we almost didn't sell the house...


but thankfully the Lord answered my prayers to save us from ourselves. does it sound odd that i have honestly been praying that prayer for several weeks?

"Lord, you know my heart, that our intentions are pure and we honestly want to do whatever YOUR will is, so please give me wisdom & discernment... save us from ourselves! don't let us do anything that won't bring you glory and praise and blessing"

yes, our home has been on the market, patiently (ok, not always patiently) awaiting buyers and we knew that this life change is exactly what God had for us. and i have been so excited to downsize our mortgage payment and having a smaller home just means i'm done cleaning that much faster, right?!

but then something happened.... a huge, ginormous blessing!! it was out of the blue, completely unexpected, not even on our radar. God is so awesome that wasy! when we were just going about trying to get this house sold, trying to stay on course and BAM!! my Man (he is so wonderful, just so you know!!) got a huge promotion! that's right!! (and i am aware that i am using a ton of exclamation points, but this is big stuff!!!) it's the promotion that we didn't ever assume would come available anytime in the next couple of years, much less now. and we weren't even looking or asking for it!!

so do a little big dance right now with your arms lifted high to heaven in thanks to God for giving my Man the talent, the wisdom, the favor for this position!! thank you Jesus for loving us and having such amazing gifts instore for your children, even better that we can plan for ourselves!!

okay, on with the show!! so the house keeps not selling... we lower the price... still no buyers want my beautiful home... we lower it again... but february, march, april & most of may pass with no buyers to be found, but...

we began to pray and think.... hhhhmmmm.... maybe the Lord has given this amazing promotion out of His utter depths of goodness (of course!) and now we can stay in our house and i can still be at home with the kiddos!! we still wanted to increase our giving to missions & charities, be more involved with ministry, grow stronger as a couple and as a family, but now we could stay in a home we loved!

it is so wearing to have the house listed for sale.... i know, i know, broken record.... but three kiddos and a horse a mammoth puppy and the cleaning & straightening never ends. and so with now prospective buyers in sight, it seemed that the Lord had granted my wish to stop cleaning the house 10 hours a day and we were going to stay put....

remember the prayer to save us from ourselves? well, just as we were going to take the house off the market, a realtor called one saturday morning and asked to show the house, and reluctantly i said "sure" and we scadadaled out of their way.... then the realtor called again that afternoon:

realtor: "they really liked the house, can we swing back by again just to walk through one more time?"

me: "um, sure. my youngest is napping already so, we'll just hang out in the backyard while you're here, if that works for you & the buyers."

realtor: "that is perfect! we'll be there in five minutes!"

oh mercy! they come, they look, not quickly but for 20 minutes, and while any other time before i would have been so excited that they had returned for a long second look, but i had gotten to the point where i just didn't care anymore, just the truth.

and two days later, we had an offer! but you know what we did, after much prayer and talking and debating the pros & cons, and prayer?

we rejected their offer... we didn't even counter offer, nope! not us, we felt that with the offer they had made it just wasn't being a good steward of God's money and resource to move, and then we told our agent to pull the house off the market! i am laughing now as i write this because i can see how God knew what He had prepared for us :)

however, we got another call that afternoon from our agent, the buyers were devasted. i told him unless we got full price we weren't going to do it. so he asked us to counter offer at full price... so we prayed again, talked more, talked to our parents seeking some Godly counsel, and i reminded my Man of the prayer: "Lord, save us from ourselves"

so we counter offered at full price, the next day they accepted it! wow!

and five days later, after looking at handfuls of homes that we didn't ever get that "feeling" about, we met a wonderful buyer selling her mother's home (who had passed away a couple years ago) who was doing 'for sale by owner'....

my Man and i walked into the house and i was overwhelmed to teary eyes by that "feeling" and the Spirit's leading that this house was the house.

i want so badly to tell you all the cool stories about our new home! the sellers grew up in this home, it was the first house their parents had built and the only place the ever lived! i love hearing about their family dinners, where their mother would spend her time, their favorite rooms.... to say that we love it is a complete understatment!!! (i think that's worthy of 3 exclamations!!)

so we bought it... it is definitely under our budget, it was under our budget before the promotion... it is old, but i just love it!! the lot is huge!!! it has original 1961 pink tile in one of the bathrooms and i love that, too!

what i really love is how God is good, so splendidly good! He knew He had prepared this home for us, He knew that if we waited until this predestined time that we would get it at the price we needed, He already knew we were close to giving up on selling and just when He had destined it the house sold. He answered our prayers to lead us and guide us, to save us even when we were seeking and trying to do His will. He knows our hearts are set on surrendering all to Him and He is so good and His blessings never end.

we have a good lot of work in front of us... i have been priming walls & cleaning carpets, scrubbing bathroom, wiping down the kitchen, and the endless packing, oh my the endless packing, but it is even better than we could imagine....

i can't wait to show you all before and after pictures!! it's coming tomorrow!!

God can do anything, you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! Ephesians 3.20 (the message)

so why can't we stay together? part 2

so recap from part 1...

i hate divorce, it sucks

when parents act like children instead of making their children & their welfare of the highest priority is pathetic & sad

in part 1 i relayed my disbelief with the CDC's 2009 report of 50% of the 2.162 million marriages ended in divorce... wah?!

so why can't we stay together? aka: divorce part 2

i said i'd give my two cents worth on this, so here goes... however let me preface my interpretation & insight is infinitely influenced by my parents divorce and my faith in Christ, and i am aware that each marriage is as unique as the snowflakes :)

my mom and dad knew each even as young as junior high, and then eloped their senior year of high school, then moved across the country when my dad joined the Marine Corp. a couple years later they move back to Fly Over Country and i am born shortly after. like most young couples they struggle along financially, my dad worked construction and my mom worked as well while i stayed with my aunt during the day. by the time i was almost 6 my middle brother as born, we shared a room together, i remember that he cried a lot but i was so excited to have my own real baby doll. jobs & money got better and we moved to a better part of town, nicer house and i had my own room and we had a big backyard and i got to walk to school, which i thought was cool in my head but scary to actually do at the age of 7. my mom worked a lot i think and so did my dad and my brother went to preschool. my parents didn't talk much. my dad yelled at me a lot. then something went wrong, we had to sell our house, we were going to move to another state and my mom was pregnant with my youngest brother which i was convinced would be a sister.

we move a bit more south, i am back sharing a room with not only my middle brother but also my baby brother, darn. i meet a girl who quickly becomes my best friend, she's still my best & closest friend to this very day, we live near my mom's parents which is cool and my mom gets to be at home with us which is even more cool. dad works a lot. there is a lot of fighting. a couple years later we make a big move north to where my entire family on both sides is from (go Huskers!) so my dad can become a police officer and i spend the summer helping my mom remodel an old house just across the tracks from my cousins. things change quickly as we are only there three months before our family of 5 moves back south to our hometown (where we began, just in case you're lost).

i start middle school, i am missing my bestie, i get my own room and while i never felt overly popular until my freshman year, i made tons of friends in our new school and got to stay until i graduated, which was a year early because i'm just that cool :) i go to college, meet my future husband, get through my freshman year, that summer my parents get divorced, i'm 18

as i write this, i think it sounds normal and what a lot of families experience like job changes and moving and both parents working, new babies and new schools. so what does any of this have to do with marriage and divorce and why we can't stay together...

have you ever thought "my spouse isn't making me very happy right now?!" i will be honest my Man, as awesome as he is, can irritate me and make me unhappy. some of his choices can upset or sadden me and i have said or thought "you shouldn't say that... it makes me unhappy" and if i'm being totally honest i've even whollered there for a few days pondering "why isn't he trying to make me happy... i mean it's not the end of the world for him to do so-and-so just for my sake." and while my Man and i are completely in love and our desire is to serve the other's needs & wants, not everything my Man does is going to make my heart flutter and my eyes bat adoringly as i swoon over him....

and you know what: that's okay. yep... i know, i know, our world will tell us that if it feels good then do it. and if we can't have our way, then find someone who will give us our way. the world says if we can't have it right now then stomp your feet and someone will cave to your whim. it should all be about "us" and what will satisfy us, i mean we're entitled to a mostly perfect life, right?

WRONG!!! i despise this enviroment of entitlement, and the notion that supreme happiness should be my goal. and it especially bothers me to see this attitude within a marriage because this selfishness will be the bomb that causes it to come crashing down.

what if marriage is meant to make us holy, not happy..... what if it is used by God to keep transforming us to His image instead of to give us whatever we think will make us "happy"

do you know what word could fill in all the gaps in my short childhood recap of my parent's marriage? ...W.I.I.F.M.

you know: What's In It For Me?

when my mom and my dad got married i think they were both trying to escape parents & families that were suffocating them and trying to show they were adults (my opinion and not meant to denegrate) and because they didn't have an example of a loving, respectful and serving marriage and their relationship with God was a mess, i believe they thought that marriage and the other person would serve to make them "happy."

i think we are all prone to this trap in marriage, in life :) don't you?

my dad has always had wonderful intentions but very little follow through... i think that he desired & intended in the beginning to be a good husband that could provide well for his wife but it was harder than he thought and it turned out to not be a lot "in it for him" when he wanted it to be about making him happy.

my mom has big dreams and impressive goals for herself and i'm sure that she has since before she even became a wife or mom... and then she married a man who wasn't on the same page as her, i don't think they shared the same goals (except to get far away from their parents) and unfortunately she married an oppressive & angry man... and this quickly became a marriage that wasn't happy (or safe).

when Christ isn't the center of our life and if He isn't the heart of a marriage then i'm telling you it won't work. we need God to save us from ourselves! i need God to save me from me!! can you relate?

there was a time in my own marriage when i was so full on for Jesus and serving Christ while my Man was only interested in giving God some time on Sunday morning, but he certainly had not surrendered his whole heart to God. and while he loved God, he wasn't ready to let go of his own agenda... and it created problems

he would be upset that i didn't recognize some song on the radio that he liked because i typically listened to Christian stations & would criticize over that... he felt slighted over the amount of time i would be at church serving and so he would withdraw some from me

he was saying, in a sense "why aren't you acting like i want you to act, spending your time how i'd prefer, etc" or as i like to say, he was saying "what's in this for me?!"

but, as i prayed, as we spent time talking and working through those days he felt like second on my list, the more i continued to obey God in serving Him but working to submit & serve my Man, well God changed my Man....

and while i had an awesome marriage before, it got a million times more awesome!!! when Christ became the center of our marriage and our hearts, we gave up on pleasing ourselves and more focused on loving God & each other, it was beautiful...

so why can't couples stay together?

it has to be about more than "feeling" happy.... and more about God

what say you?....

divorce, kids & wicked stepmoms...

*WARNING!! this post is rather biased... just so you know, but i would love you insight, thoughts, experience, so please leave your comment (i mean everyone is always free to comment, but especially this time) in a polite & grown-up manner :) and well it's my blog and i can write about whatever i'm feeling, so enjoy!!!

it utterly infuriates me when a couple divorces, they have children and then one or both ex's make parenting decisions geared at punishing the other parent! their hatred for their ex is greater than their love for their kids... yep! i said it! a parent's choices are supposed to be centered around what is in the best interest of their children, and when their decisions are skewed by dislike for others, including but not limited to ex-spouses & their new spouse, then hatred has gained more power than love...

i hate divorce

did you know that the CDC reported in 2009 that there were 2,162,000 marriages.... that's about 7.1 per 1000 of the population.... there were 3.5 divorces per 1000

hello?!?!! that's at minimum 50% divorce rate.... what's missing here?! i have a thought but in a moment...

and i am not condemning anyone who is separated, divorced or remarried, but if you have experienced divorce you would most likely testify to the fact that is sucks...and that is the most appropriate word to describe it

i am not divorced, and so thankful for and blessed with My Amazing Man, however i am from what most refer to as a "broken home." quite frankly, i don't like that term... whomever coined that phrase obviously didn't live in my home when it was supposed to "un-broken" because if there was ever a Biblically justified case for divorce it was my parents.

so as a woman who has lived my parents divorce, remarriage and all the un-fun that comes afterwards, i have expertise in this field... it is undesirable expertise but has & will continue to be used for good and comfort and insight

so back to my original statement: parents who hate their ex-spouse MORE than they love their children

you might totally disagree, and you are welcome to that but here's an example:

a loving mom and loving dad, but they no longer love each other. ok... so they divorce and because dad is rather insecure with himself & not being able to make another relationship prosper he doesn't put up an argument with ex-wife when she wants full custody and dad gets every other weekend, one day each week and alternating holidays. mom soon remarries. dad begins dating as well.

new girlfriend isn't introduced to kids for quite some time, until dad & girlfriend are totally sure that this is relationship is long-term. when girlfriend is introduced in the kids lives it is slow-moving over time but kids respond well. mom isn't happy.

let me break-in here and say that i understand, as a mom, i wouldn't want another woman to come in and try to "play" mom to my babes. there would be jealousy and insecurities, worry and control issues. but should these emotions dictate visitation & parenting decisions? did you know that:

40% of mothers reported that they had interfered with the fathers visitation to punish their ex-spouse. ["Frequency of Visitation" by Sanford Braver, American Journal of Orthopsychiatry]

50% of mothers see no value in the fathers continued contact with his children. ["Surviving the Breakup" by Joan Berlin Kelly]

i have visited handfuls of forums & chat rooms this week dominated by moms (not many dad) debating issues of custody and visitation, some for legitimate reasons to withhold (drug use, abuse, etc) but many others for superficial reasons of anger & revenge. all you have to do is google divorce & remarriage stats or parent custody issues to see the pain of divorce and it's affects on kiddos. from my personal experience, that of my friends and what i've seen in some of these forums, too often custodial parents are punishing their ex because it makes them feel powerful and it comes at the expense of what is best for the kids...now back to my example

mom isn't happy with a new woman around her kids. dad marrys girlfriend. girlfriend is nice and kind, doesn't try to 'mother' kids but does have general household rules & does activities and general family stuff with kids. mom keeping imposing more rules and makes it harder for dad to get kids based upon her dislike of dad's growing involvement & inquiries for kids. no matter how dad trys to be involved, mom just creates new interpretations of custody rules. mom hates stepmom....

i am aware that this example goes both ways, it could just as easily be a jealous father imposing crazy restrictions upon a mama that remarried a wonderful guy. it isn't right either way. the hatred & jealousy overrules what is best for the kids. it is so insanely wrong to cut out a loving & involved parent... sorry but there are only ex-spouses in a divorce, no ex-parents!

and while this scenario plays out multiple ways it is typically starring the "wicked stepmother" who is cast by my the mom. i will admit to the fact that i don't feel sorry for some stepmoms (and yes i will be honest & admit i didn't and don't feel sorry for my father's wife), but many stepmoms out there simply want to fit in & be apart of the family, and well they are the recipent of resentment from an ex-wife who will never accept her right to love the children.

this whole "wicked stepmom" character makes it difficult to integrate the nicest stepmom into a family.... and when played up by an insecure, controlling and irrational mom who has decided her new family is all the kids need and who needs dad & his wife?! well i'll say it once more: that parent has chosen her selfish desires over what is best for her children.... and it disgusts me, it makes me physically ill. *and let me say again that i would just as disgusted (personally more so) when a father choses his desires & comfort over the needs of his kids... i mean come on! be a real man!

to see a dad slowly and methodically cut out of his kid's lives breaks my heart. i truly believe that we are seeing the affects today of a generation of women who thought dads were meaningless and kids were raised without a strong male in the home. with violent crimes increasing, gang activity, child abuse sickingly high, more kids born out of wedlock, kids with eating disorders, teenage drug abuse... i could go on.

noted sociologist, Dr.David Popenoe wrote this: "fathers are far more than just 'second adults' in the home. involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other adult is likely to bring."

i hate divorce

i hate it when parents use their kids as a source of revenge... grow-up!

my thoughts on the out-of-control divorce stats... well that is a post coming up this weekend

yes, i'm biased... but i've lived it.... your thoughts?

to spank or not to spank...

i am the typical oldest child: type A, over-achieving, perfection-driven, always-to-be-the-leader kinda of girl... it honestly didn't take much discipline to get me to change my behavior, whether i was a little 4 year girlie or when i was 14....

not that i wasn't ever spanked or sent to the corner but it really wasn't necessary (well, at least i don't think... better call mom... ok, she said it was necessary some of the time :) ) because simply giving me that look of total disappointment and telling me that you thought i was so much better than this, well it would just do me in! i'd drown myself in sorrow and create a plan to out do myself with goodness when the next opportunity presented itself.

however,my first or second or third attempts at "goodness" weren't ever truly good enough, because i was still harshly dealt with by my dad whenever it suited him.

his definition of "discipline and guidance" was a belt, sometimes his thick hands, and it didn't just sound scary or painful... it was scary and very painful

being a trimuphet survivor (thanks be to God) of child abuse has always impacted the disciplining of our posse of kiddos: definitely for the good

before kiddos i would have told you there would never be a case for spanking them! post-three-very-different-kiddos i would confess to you that i am an advocate for spanking... if it makes the point within a short amount of time and used appropriately.

our oldest, 'P' , never required more than 3 swats on the hiney as a toddler, that's it 3; our lil' Lou-Woo was a bit more of a challenge with all the drama that comes with having a girl :) but even then, the times she was spanked really made the point and her behavior quickly corrected itself...

however, our sweet baby 'K' is the world's most stubborn, rebellious & defiant toddler! okay he's not... i only know this from first hand experience that my middle brother (and my hubby's middle brother) is still to this day the world's most stubborn person :)

but i digress... spanking 'K' doesn't matter; he'll go right back to what he was doing the 5 seconds before i patted his rear, or giving him the "i'm really getting fed up with your behavior" tone is not long lasting either, and while the "naughty spot" (you might call it time-out) is effective for the moment of teaching & learning to say 'sorry' & talk about forgiveness, but i am still the very blessed mama of a little boy who couldn't do what he is told if i was paying him in M&Ms!!!

which leads me to begin thinking: does spanking truly work?

it frustrates me to no end that a swat on the hiney for throwing a fit in the store or freaking out at 'P's ball games is not teaching him anything (obviously)! why is my babe not connecting the dots here?! does spanking not have the short-term effect to cause my cute boy's brain to register "hey, maybe i shouldn't do that again?" have you had this issue with any of your kiddos? please say i'm not the only one... please!

all my own inadequacies & childhood memories are starting to get in the way too... i don't in any way, shape or form believe that spanking a child is abuse as long as it's not done out of anger and it gets the point across in a few short episodes... but as i've been researching & coming up with new ways to guide 'K's behavior, i find myself remembering the belt, the yelling, my confusion, and the marks that didn't go away and the internal scars that will always be there.

how can people do that to their kids? as parents we have all felt the frustration, those days that all our kids can say is "NO!" and your rapidly fraying rope begins to harshly smack you in the face, but how can people hit their kids and call it discipline?!

my dad always justified his attacks as "discipline".... i always knew i didn't want to ever become that: you know, somehow it's the victims fault or they say "you made me have to be tough" sort of thing. that's not of Christ, not even close

i am flooded by love for 'K' and he is the cutest little man... incredibly smart, funny, imaginative, cuddly, tough & sweet all mixed into a curly-headed boy.... goodness he's awesome, and what's even better he's mine!!! alright i'll share with daddy, but that's it! (giggles...)

i've been praying (lots!) that the Lord will use this head-strong, relentless & dominant spirit to change the world someday. if 'K' is this stubborn about not wanting to hold my hand in the store or so passionate about playing with my breakables no matter what i say, if that is used for God's ultimate glory, then watch out world!! he's coming to tell you about Jesus' love for you whether you want to hear it or not!!

so for now, our battle of wills is going to head a new direction; i will refuse to frustrate myself & 'K' by continuing to spank & not see any changes. i won't buy into what i know some believe which is "spank more and harder and they will eventually get it." NOPE, not gonna do it! in my opinion, that is how parents can cross the line of discipline into abuse....

what direction are we going? well, lots of attention and explaining of why there are rules & mama and daddy love you and it's our job to boss you around & teach you stuff :) hee hee!! i love being the mommy! i still like the 'naughty spot' and if the fits keep going in the 'naughty spot' then it's off to bed to cry it out there when he doesn't get his way. we are teaching him Bible verses about love & obedience... and he is able to tell me his verses, believe it or not!! and i can think of nothing better than hiding the Word of God in his heart to help change his behavior.

as a child, i always hoped that my dad would change, that if i was better that would make him nicer, i wanted him to care about my sports, look at my pictures, spend time doing fun things with me... the fact that he wouldn't made those episodes of violence that much worse

hug your kids today, especially when they are being bad, tell them how much you love them, turn off the t.v. and spend time with them... that way when we have to give guidance & discipline they will know it comes from a heart that is truly devoted to them

Lord please continue to bless me with wisdom & understanding to guide my children, so they will have hearts to love & serve you all their days. i want them to obey not just me but learn to obey you God, to develop a spirit of grace and have an abundance of wisdom from you. make me in to the mom that my children need, that i would be open to your direction & leading, that i will always love them with all that is in me, just as you would! i pray the same for every parent that reads this and is moved to serve you more Lord by loving their kids more. thank you Lord!!in your Name....amen