Thursday, June 11, 2009

i just opened the door to the past!!

you've been there before, i'm sure: you're 18, finally an adult (or so we think) planning out your path for college, what your career will be, where you would like to end up living and the kind of house you'll live in. did your day-dreaming become reality for you? was it everything you thought it would be and more?!! or a huge disappointment? okay pull yourself out of the past (smiles)! i'm only asking because i took a moment of reflection this week of where i currently am in this walk of life. what? you'd like to know where i thought i'd be as a 31 year old when was i was a mere high school graduate at the tender age of 17? i'm so glad you asked! it goes a little something like this:
i was 17, i graduated from high school early (yea me!! is what i thought, should've been thinking, yea God, but hindsight 20/20, huh?!) my plan was as follows: i was going to work that summer to save money to fix my car, shop, save a little back, and of course have plenty of money to go out to the clubs with my friends multiple nights a week so i could party as much as possible before classes started, when i would have to get 'serious' (wow! what an oximoron that was: drinking/partying & serious). i would have to be serious because i was going to school with the intent to be an attorney - i know it's very cool, i thought so too. i was going to finish college as quickly as possible so i could get to law school - i wanted to go to Louisiana or up to George Washington. my plan was to move away to a big city somewhere, live in a cool, industrial loft, and go to work as a guardian ad lietum for abused children. i had no plans for children, no plans to find the love of my life at the young age of 17 and no plans to listen to anything God had for me.
it's true - i didn't think i wanted to be a mama - i loved God and was 'churched' my entire life but i didn't follow him or pray daily, i wasn't in the Word daily, i wanted to go shopping, go to school, to work, to the clubs and drink at night with friends (and i use the word 'friend' loosely because while we all cared about one another, we obvisously didn't because of how we all condoned each others' sinnful lives). what a waste, oh hindsight!!

and so these plans were mine a short 14 years ago: kinda sad, self-centered, self-serving, utterly God-less intentions. i openned this door to the past as i was on the campus of my former university this week during master 'P's football camp and as i watched big 'K' play in the fountains in front of the library, see...

Thankfully, God has amazing plans for our lives, He has awesome plans for me today, tomorrow and in the years to come: Jeremiah 29.11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.

when we make plans without prayerfully bringing them before the Lord, they're just junk & my plans were junk! i have written this so many times that i am grateful for the call to mama-hood!! it is my main ministry, only secondly to the ministry as a wife to my Man. i'm not saying that my Man and my Posse are more important than serving the Lord, but by serving my Man and my Posse i am honoring the Lord because that is what He has called my to do!! i'm ecstatic that i was called to this minstry, i wouldn't want to miss this....

i want to the be Proverbs women, i'm a work in progress:

Proverbs 31.26She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.27She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.28Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:29"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all."30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.31Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

you're curious what Jesus' plan for my life now and forward? how sweet of you to be so interested in lil' ol' me (wink, wink!), well let me tell you what i do know:

Jesus beautifully planned out hundreds of thousands of years ago the path for my life, He knew where my steps would lead me if i obediently followed His Word and where i would stray to if i chose worldly temptations. bless the prayers of my mom whom interceded to the Lord on my behalf. God so wants to bless my life and He is speaking to my heart & soul all the time about the plans He has for me and my Man and our splendid family. i want with all that is within me to download His plan into my blackberry (which i cannot live without!!!! ahem.. excuse that outburst) and follow to Him step by step 'til the end. and i will only get those daily downloads if i walk close to Him, spend time praising & worshipping His Holy name, praying impudently for direction and the Lord's help, by digging into His Living Word and believing by faith and trusting on His promises to lead me to the Promise Land.

i am ashamed of my former plans, i am not proud of the way i lived my life back in my early college days, however i am saved by the Lord's Grace! the Lord knew what it would take to bring me and my Man back to Him, and by giving us first 'P' we were awakened to the miracle of parenthood, and i fell in love with my baby, and then i fell head-over-heals with my girl 'Lou-Who' and He has taught me deeper lessons in mama-hood with baby 'K'. i don't like that i did things backwards (i.e. life of sin instead of for God, dating out of context, drinking, baby, then rededication to God, then marriage), but i am training the next generation the ways of the Lord, not with just words but by my actions and by my unwavering desire to serve the Lord.

so as i have enjoyed the reflection that this door to the past has offered me this week, i am ever so excited to keep moving forward in my walk and see what the next door the Lord opens has to offer!! the best is yet to come!

and yes, big 'K' did get himself wet in the fountain, just in case you wanted to know!!

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