a brand new year.... these first few days of a crisp new year are always a time of reflection for me and thoughts about what will come in the following year; it is a door waiting to be opened...
there are numerous goals and aspirations that i have for 2010, i am filled with anticipation for what God has for me and my Man and our Posse of Kiddos. i also sit here typing in bed, pondering the clean & spotless new calendar set before me with some anxiety and pessimism. i truly hate to admit that to you, but it's the truth... i struggle with what roads to take, do i turn left or right, or right & three-quarters, or maybe not quite... and no i am not that poetic :) i'll give credit to the genius that is dr.seuss from Oh! The Places You'll Go!!... however, do you feel what i'm saying?... how do i get from where i am now to where God wants me to be?
i want so desperately from the very utter core of my soul to serve God with all that i am, to diligently seek after Him, that His will would be fully worked out in and through my life, that He would get all the glory and praise!!! does your heart yearn for Him deeply? oh, mine does!! now that doesn't mean that i am walking some walk of perfection and holy righteousness... no ma'am!! it does mean that i strive in all things to grow closer to Him, that by His Grace i might become more obedient, loving, compassionate, wiser, patient... i could go on in all the ways i need Jesus to continue transforming me.
so there is this part of me that whilst i find such peace and contentment in loving and serving and living for God, i am still struggling with exhibiting and maintaining a fully joyous outlook right now. i feel full of chaos and uncertainity; i do not like chaos and uncertainity. i so love my lists, all organized and labeled and color-coded, i love planning, i love structure. i am looking to God to give me answers and direction... and yet i feel like i'm standing out on the edge of the cliff, i lick my finger to see which way the wind is blowing, i check my compass, i look around.... hello? answer, direction, anyone?!
but maybe i already know God's will for me right now. maybe it is as plain as the nose on my cute toddler's face!! but what if i'm wrong? what if my dreams aren't what God really has for us, what if... what if... what if... i could do this all day, ya know?!
God is the God of the Impossible!! He is the Miracle-Working Lord that has amazing plans for me (Jeremiah 29.11) and if i'm walking with Him then these dreams are possibly what He has laid on my heart!!! why not dream something BIG and do something GREAT for God?!?!
"God can do anything, you know--far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." Ephesians 3.20 The Message
so what are my God-sized dreams for 2010? here's the short list...
that i will officially be a stay-at-home mama very soon! -- that our home would sell within 30 days of getting it on the market (we plan to get it on the market by the end of January) for the listing price -- i believe God will give us a new home the size we need at the price we need -- i want to overflowingly grow in my ability to love the lost and other Christians in need of encouragement -- as i work on raising funds for the Jaymun Foundation i want to find donors to contribute $250,000 within the next six months -- i want total and complete physical healing! -- i want to have more memory-making ordinary days with my kiddos...
i think i could keep typing for hours on what i would love to see God do in my life, my marriage, my parenting, my ministries...
...but mostly i just want Him. i want more of God, i want to reveal His amazing love and forgiveness, i want to abound in joy because He wants me to know happiness and joy and real freedom in surrendering all i am to Him!!
whatever tomorrow brings, it will be because God allowed in my life, because His provisions for me are to bring me to a closer walk with Him, that while He carries me through the trials and uncertainity i'll learn to trust Him more and find the beauty in total surrender... welcome 2010
I am right there with you on loving my lists and schedules and structured plans. But I am working on letting go and letting guide direct my steps. Thanks for your beautiful words.
ReplyDeleteYour dreams and goals are my goals. Hearing what you want helps me put my priorities in order. God wants you to stay at home, and he is helping us make that happen. Through our trials we are growing closer to God and closer to each other. Amazing that it works that way!
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