i turned on the radio to fill me heart with some Christmas music before braving the crowds at my first stop, and asked myself again, i think i said it outloud even, was i really sure that i wanted to do this yet another year? well, too late for second guesses, i'm up and i'm gonna get all these things on my list, no matter what!!
i had brought my book with me, i know how long the lines can be and this year i was shopping alone so what better time to catch up on my reading... and on a side note i'm in the middle of reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan, oh my goodness!!! this is an amazing book, truly calling us to live out our love for Christ boldly!! go buy it right now, seriously, merry Christmas to yourself!! okay, back to the gist of this tall tale: long lines=read a book... but i didn't grab the book, nope! darn! so i just struck up conversations with the other weary looking women standing in lines, trying to make the best of it, attempting not to be annoyed that this line was taking forever and the longer i stood here the greater chance someone else was at toys r us buying the 5am doorbusters instead of me!!! ahem...sorry for my little fit of shopping rage.
have you ever stood in a crowd and just watched people? while forever standing in the WM lines i looked around me, waving to some other moms i knew several lines over, and i saw my brother & sister-in-law checking out as well, but i saw many faces i didn't recognize and saw the stress & weariness in many eyes. now i do realize it was 5:20am and probably many hadn't even gone to bed yet, however it was a weariness that doesn't come from lack of sleep but from the stresses of life. does my face look weary to the others standing around me? do i wear my worries on my face too? where is the JOY?!!!
so these thoughts were abruptly interrupted as i got to move up in line, checkout and drive on my merry way to the next store with my organized list sitting next to me as a reminder of all that i had to track down
as i walked the aisles, annoyed about all the toys that were already gone, scooters that were no where to be found, i did remind myself to smile and say "hi!" and spread Christmas cheer. and while feeling frustrated and slightly disoriented & overwhelmed i reminded myself that all of this stuff didn't really matter... it is not in the least bit important!! my children will not be sitting on a couch with their therapist someday tearing up about the iPod they didn't receive, or the barbie dolls were not the right ones (and if they are, i have seriously failed as a mama!!). we enjoy blessing our kiddos with gifts and fun outings, we get much happiness being able to provide them with everything they need, due entirely to God's flood of grace & blessing & provision in our lives!! just fyi..., and the majority of what they want. so while i try desperately each birthday and Christmas to dive into the depths of my creativity for the perfect gift, this year i just keep hitting a brick wall... because my children have need of nothing!!!