Monday, December 7, 2009

Not Me! Monday... by author unknown

i just love Not Me! Monday, how about you? except this week's edition of this wonderfully fun & delightful blog carnival, created by MckMama and you can head to her blog right this very minute and link up there and read all the other Not Me! posts as well, is not my own. i know, maybe it's just laziness or that i really didn't have the best week last week and would simply prefer to forget it and move on!!

i've been unpacking the Christmas decorations this week, and i came across this article i saved from many years ago about what a mom would want for Christmas. i thought i'd share it with all of you since it makes me laugh out loud almost every time i read it because it is so true!!! and i would love to give credit to its author but it was simply signed -Author Unknown. so whoever you are, i love this Christmas Wish List for a Mom...

"well, i've been a good mom all year. i have fed, cleaned, and cuddled all my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my own doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground, and figured out how to fix my daughter's worn out pants with staples and a glue gun. i was hoping to spread my list out over several Christmases, since i had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, not knowing when i'll find any more free time in the next 18 years.

for Christmas...

i would like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to carry a screaming kid out of the candy aisle at the grocdry store. i'd also like a waist, since i mysteriously lost mine sometime in the past few years. i'd also like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper wher i can hide to talk on the phone in peace.

on the practical side, i could use a talking daughter doll that says, "yes, Mommy, whatever you say," to boost my parental confidence, along with kids who don't fight, and (for myself) three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. i could also use a recording of Gregorian monks chanting, "don't eat in the living room" and "take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog. and pelase don't forget the playdoh travel pack, the hottest stocking stuffer ths year for mothers of young children. it comes in three fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet. it will make my in-law's house see just like mine.

if it's too late to find any of these products, i'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth, shower, and comb my hair in the same morning or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature. and while i am on a roll, would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? it will clear my conscience immensely.

it would be helpful if my children would volunteer to help around the house without demanding payment as if they wre the bosses of an organized crime family, or if any of them didn't look so cute sneaking into the kitchen to eat ice cream in their pajamas at midnight.

well, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. i think he wants his crayon back."

okay wipe the tears of laughter out of your eyes!! have a very blessed day!! and check out my All By Grace Blog Frog Community to leave your praise report or prayer request for the week!!

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